From: ladykelshan <ladykelshan@...>
Subject: [Cosmic_eggplant] HI all! Long, long, lonnng time I have not been here ' O! LOL!!
To: Cosmic_eggplant@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009, 7:53 AM

I have been connecting and reconnecting with friends and family on facebook..although. ..there are some that for whatever reason just don't seem to want to write back letters to me..and I have honestly been feeling kind of let down, plus it didn't help much when Michael Jackson and a few other celebs that I thought some what of..passed on..but, Michael's death..bothered me a LOT!

( I actually felt extreme sadness and a depression slide over me...
I don't want to get a depression again..I have had several and it hurts like a MF!!!)

I think that I have also been feeling slightly jealous and angry and just down because of past high school class mates..I wish that I did NOT have ye old jealous streak..there are better things to be doing in my life than feeling these feelings..and feeling sorry for myself, is the pits!!!

I don't really have a place, besides my blogs to complain and or be a public nusiance about it! LOL! But, in all sincerity, without sounding too mean..and or joking or laughing aside..I really do feel VERY frustrated.. so..I just haven't been checking my emails and eggplant group or other groups that I am in..plus..I hate when people that I knew or know..do NOT take me seriously..it really, really stings a LOT!!

Don't worry..I am not about to do anything stupid...I just have been feeling really down lately..and I am hoping that my hubby and I can have a great time (hopefully next week sometime) going camping! I am looking forward to doing that!! I think that I soooooo need a huge break...I really do NOT want to rethink and or rehash the last couple of weeks and or months of pain and sadness..plus. .I either did some of this crap to myself..or well, when you begin to connect or REconnect..old stuff rears it's ugly head again...I am also finding out and or getting REminded of some of my past classmates are NOT as "nice" as I "thought!" I kind of learned this...before I left my home state..but,I am seeing it more and more on F.Book. and it's just rubbing me the wrong way..some of the guys that I know..they have a large ego to boot me right on out!! I hate that! (Sorry..I am just in a funky mood..and right now.. I am sort of pissed and sort of in a "why can't I get some great attention 'round here!?" Okay..so I am getting more and more jealous..sorry! ! But, Wahhhhh! It's stupid and I am just sick of some of this happening to me..there is this one part of me that is thinking about NOT being on facebook all that much or anymore..or trying to find another blog area..and taking MY buds with me! I hate cliques! I was just NOT like that in high school!
I was the kind of person who did her own thang! I was NOT in a social group, nor did I join something..well except for chorus..and Crew team..which. .by the way..I would NOT have joined had it not been for my former best friend at that time..who later dumped me to be MORE popular!UGH! ! (I think that somewhere I have a doppleganger who looks exactly like me..and she is fun and she is that type of personna..! LOL!! She is the popular one...whereas I missed out completely! LOL!!)

I was not a stoner in high school..because I hate weed..and I don't like the smell of it, either! LOL!!

But, I just tended to do some drama..but, I didn't act on stage...I wanted to..but, I was too shy for it!
But, I still love drama..and I used to take classes a lot in that subject!! I also love music..and that's something that was my first love..before guys came along..and I still love music..I play guitar and piano..more composing pieces..and so on..for fun and for jamming with friends!

I also write poetry and I need to seriously get to writing a children's book..which I said that I would be writing..and I have written in spurts! LOL!!

But, anyhow..I just need to find my niche in life...ya know? and I just feel so useless right now..and I am NOT happy with the way that my life really is..(just sometimes..when it concerns being around certain people and they find out that I am not doing much in my life...this is what troubles me a LOT! I wish that people could mind their own dang business..but, forget it..people can be sooo nosy..at times..and I am tired of answering why I don't work, or why I am not
"doing more" in my life..or being looked down upon..(you can also tell this when people either do NOT write back to you and answer some questions that you have asked them..and or when they are "selective" in how they chose to write back to you..ARRRRGH! ) Although, I will say, that sometimes I am completely wrong..but, I am using my "inner sense" and right now, that's what I am honestly getting! I hate it!!

So...I guess that for me..what I am also finding..and this is another thing that has plagued me, ever since I have moved out to the east coast..is that Karma has reared it's VERY UGLY head towards me!!
I am and have been getting things nearly times three back at me..and it's NO freakin' picnic...Has this ever happened to you all?

There are things that I USED to do with others..and maybe I was too harsh with them at that particular time..but, I also think that they had it comin'! They used to hurt MY feelings..so, I hurt theirs in the process! Now..it's all raining down on me...(or so I feel anyways!!!) I am also wondering if there could be a chance that somebody put a spell on me...or prayed for MY "come uppance" the way that I used to do that to a few people who had it in for me!! What do you all think of a spell or a prayer of Karma coming back to "get somebody?" Is it possible at all?

I wasn't super mean..but, by the same token..there were definitely some people who honestly treated me a LOT like a piece of shit..so, I decided to just verbally get them back..and or, dumped them and I no longer speak to them at all..for this..I wonder if I am getting "harmed" by what I did to them!!?

Just wondering..

SOrry..I am long winded today..but, I hardly ever write about this ..and I have really nobody to complain to..and "hubster" does NOT wish to hear ANY of this..and even if you don't want to respond or don't want to read this..at least I got rid of the agony of pain here!!

*shakes head...*

It might take me a while..but, hopefully I am gonna snap out of my stupid feelings..and feel loads better!!

I think that I am also really jealous..as I have mentioned before..of others being able to go places like Thailand and Europe and so on..and I have NEVER once been to those places...and when former classmates mention this..and also stocks and bonds..and just how "WELL" they are doing..with a slightly arrogant attitude..that' s where I have to draw a line..it's really upsetting to me..I have to keep telling myself.."maybe they are NOT that happy..and looks are decieving!!" I told you..I am really down..and really jealous..and I don't appreciate that in my personality. .and I am working on changing my horrible attitudes!!

Well, I am sorry..but, I have had a rough week..and then some and then some!! Thanks for NOT /or reading this letter..it's sucks..I know..but, I WILL push myself to be a better human being!!

*FROWNS*...I just hope that I IMPROVE..soon! *scratches head..* maybe it's a depression or something..and I don't really know it?!!!!!? Or it's the reconnection of past classmates that has really made me a mess, totally!!!?

I have no idea...

Talk to you later,,,and sorry..I just really have been down in the dumps lately!!!

ladyk (who is NOT normally this depressed or down..well, at least hasn't been for a couple of years anyhow!!)