"The First One Who Ever Called With A Compliment"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org

This morning my husband made one of his frequent impromptu compliment calls to a person that he does business with. I listened as he called the new place that we just ordered firewood from.

He explained how delighted we are with the wood and how we use their dense, heavy oak for our overnight fires. He told the woman, the wife of the woodcutter, how much we liked the wood and thanked her for such a good product. He assured her that "we'd be sure to reorder early next year."

The lady was astonished. She said they rarely hear back from customers after they receive their wood; once in a while they get complaints but "this was the FIRST time anyone has ever called with a compliment!"

She told my husband that it made her day; she couldn't wait to tell her husband when he got home.

My husband calls a lot of people with complimentary calls and frequently finds he's either the first or is nearly alone in a tiny, tiny niche of appreciative customers who make the effort to give positive direct feedback.

Making a complimentary phone call is the easiest and simplest of all acts of kindness, yet surprisingly it is one that is seldom done.

This seems so insignificant to talk about but maybe that's the point.

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"Positive Feedback"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

Some people identify themselves with their faults, weaknesses, and limitations. This weakens and limits them. Others identify themselves with their virtues, skills, and positive qualities. This strengthens those people and brings out their best.

Identify yourself with your strengths and virtues. This will help you help others do the same.

"What are your main strengths and virtues?" you can ask. Some will feel comfortable telling them to you. Others won’t. Some out of modesty. Others because they haven’t as yet identified themselves with their strengths. When they do, it will feel so natural to them that they will readily mention it to others. It’s not boasting but a statement of fact similar to one’s height or color of eyes.

Keep offering positive feedback whenever you can. The less a person identifies with his strengths, the more important it is for you to strengthen his identification with them.

Positive feedback is different than general praise. It is when you notice skill, talent, and excellence and comment:

"That was very good."

"I see that you are highly skilled at this."

"Well-done."

"This job was done with precision."

"You do this excellently."

"I admire your proficiency."

"You are a true expert."

One of my students told me this story:

My parents criticized me, and rarely gave me positive feedback. I grew up feeling that I had many more faults than strengths. What changed my view of myself was a series of meetings I had with an empowering teacher. He pointed out strengths that I only barely realized that I possessed.

"You are your strengths," he told me.

"But I hardly ever apply them," I argued.

"If you would apply them all the time I wouldn’t have to reinforce your awareness of them," he smiled. "What really stops you from identifying yourself with your strengths?" he challenged me.

I thought for a moment and admitted, "The true answer is simply because I’m just not used to seeing myself that way."

"Experiment for an entire week," he suggested. "This week consider yourself a person who has these strengths. See the difference this makes."

I tried this for the week. It helped me so much that I kept it up. This was the single most empowering advice I had ever heard and it has made a major difference in my life.


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