Yesterday, a young co-worker was having an extremely bad day. She was highly critical of all her co-workers, especially me for some reason. As the day went on things went from bad to worse until you could have broken the tension with a knife.

I finally stopped what I was doing and just went over to her and put my arms around her and gave her a hug. She immediately put her arms around me and started sobbing - explaining she really was not having a very good day and really did not want to be at work that day.

The tension was broken, the rest of my shift went better, and it made me feel like a million bucks!

"Even If You Don’t Feel Kind"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

One of my students admitted:

"This whole idea of considering myself a kind person is foreign to me. At best, I’ll help people once in a while. At worst, I want to be left alone. I can’t be bothered by people making demands on me. I would feel as if I were acting to do kind deeds when I don’t really feel like doing them."

A valuable rule is: "Even if you don’t feel like a kind person, you can still act like one."

"But isn’t it better to feel kind before you act kind?" is a common question.

It’s definitely preferable for our feelings and actions to be in sync with each other and in both to be elevated. Then we are at our best. But the question that needs to be addressed is: "If I don’t feel kind, should I congruently not do anything for anyone, or should I incongruently help other people?"

Ask a person who needs a loan, "If someone doesn’t feel like lending you money but agrees to do it because it’s the right thing to do would you prefer that the person congruently refuses you, or would you prefer that he lend the money because he wants to do what is right?"

Or, imagine collapsing while walking down a busy street. Would you prefer that everyone just left you there because they congruently didn’t want to spend their time calling an ambulance or trying to revive you? Or, would you prefer that they incongruently did all they could to save your life?

Why should others have to suffer just because you haven’t yet integrated the ideals and values that you want to follow and apply?

Those who have internalized a kindness-consciousness are fortunate. They both act and feel in ways that enhance their life and the lives of others. But those who don’t yet feel kind will make this their reality by repeatedly doing kind acts. Every kind act you do, strengthens your sense of being a kind person.

Another student once told me:

"I am the last person who would have thought that I would ever consider myself a kind person. I am grateful to the one who said to me, "Act and the feelings will come." For me they did and I encourage others to do the same."