KIND WORDS
Be Kind Unconditionally

"You Just Can't Do That To Someone's Life"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org

The "Kind Words" e-mail about encouraging the defeated brings to mind my father, who in his 35 years as editor of a national magazine never fired anyone. I once asked him about this and he said, "You just can't do that to someone's life."

When his magazine was bought out by a large corporation the new owners preserved the old name but changed its traditional editorial focus in order to enhance sales.

My father was very distressed at the more commercial bent and after struggling unsuccessfully to influence the new owners, left to start a new, smaller magazine. Most of the longtime writers and staff stayed with him on the new publication, in spite of a great reduction in salaries, but a few chose to go with the new owners because they were offering more money.

I remember one case in particular, because this man had worked on the magazine for many years, had been a friend of my parents throughout my childhood, and it had surprised and pained my father when he left.

In a few years, the old magazine went bankrupt, while the new magazine was doing all right.

That man came to my father now and asked for his job back. My mother told me how without hesitation, my father said, "Of course, P--, come right on board!"

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"Be Kind Unconditionally"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

Once you have done an act of kindness for another person, be grateful if the person is grateful. But don’t expect gratitude. Many people lack the ability to express gratitude. If you do your acts of kindness because you hope you will receive gratitude, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Some people are very hurt and feel resentful if they help another person and he isn’t grateful. When you do an act of kindness, do it wholeheartedly. Do it even if that person will never do anything at all for you. Do kindness unconditionally and you will never regret the good you have done.

"True kindness" is the kindness you do for someone who is deceased. Attending his funeral and being involved in honoring him after his death is the truest level of kindness. Why? Because he will never do anything for you. He can’t even say, "Thank you," regardless of how difficult it was for you to attend his funeral. Since you are doing an act of respect which will not be reciprocated by this person, your act of kindness is more elevated.

The authors students provided these stories:

I used to have many angry quarrels. I would go out of my way to do many things for others, but I didn’t feel I was receiving enough gratitude. This would make me angry, and I would rebuke and censure relatives and friends for not being more grateful.

I spoke to someone who advised me, "Take pleasure in the good you do. Let the knowledge that you are doing kind acts be its own reward."

"This sounds too lofty for me," I argued. "I’m a regular human being and it bothers me when my efforts are not met with gratitude."

"Forget about high spiritual levels right now," he said. "Do this out of intelligent self-interest. When you demand the gratitude you don’t spontaneously receive, you end up quarreling and everyone loses. By not demanding gratitude, you will end up with more gratitude than before. Please do me a favor and try it out."

He was right. It worked. When others saw that my kindness came from my sincere caring and not as a means of obtaining gratitude, the actual gratitude increased immensely. But I was sincerely prepared to forgo gratitude, so I could only win and there was no way to lose.

* * *

Whenever I did something for someone, what was uppermost in my mind was, "I hope this person will do something for me in return. If he won’t, I should be doing this for someone who will."

This attitude caused me much resentment. A friend of mine consistently did acts of kindness for people who weren’t likely to reciprocate. He told me, "When someone does something for another person with the hope that they will do something in return, he is never certain if he will get what he wants. When I joyfully do a kind act unconditionally, I am one hundred percent guaranteed to benefit from what I do. It makes sense to get a guarantee on one’s investment in time and energy."

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