KIND WORDS
Note Your Distressful Experiences

"Running for Life"
Written by Graciela Chemerinsky*
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org

Our “Kind Words” Spanish edition editor translated the story below, which was written in Spanish by her friend, Graciela Chemerinsky:

In 1970 my brother Osher, died from Leukemia when he was only eight years old. At that time only 4% of diagnosed patients survived. Thanks to research breakthroughs over the past 35 years, today the survival rate is 80%.

These research breakthroughs have meant the difference between life and death for people like 16 year old Galit, who came from Uruguay a few years ago with her parents and sisters to live in Miami.  Two years ago, in a regular medical check-up, Galit was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease - a type of blood cancer. She and her family soon had to get used to a new language: chemotherapy, radiation, T-cells, remission, relapses. Thanks to these research breakthroughs, Galit is fine now and her condition is improving.

Galit has joined me on a campaign called “Team in Training.” A program in which athletes like me compete in endurance sporting events to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The challenge I am preparing for is the Nike Marathon that will take place in October of this year.  My objective is to raise funds to support the Society's mission to find the cure for these and related diseases, and improve the quality of life of patients.

If you would like to help, visit http://www.active.com/donate/tntsofl.

Or if you prefer, you can write a check to the "The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society" and mail it to:

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
c/o Graciela Chemerinsky
5555 Collins Ave. #7C
Miami Beach, FL 33140

Your donation is important and is 100% tax deductible.

*Graciela Chemerinsky is a Case Manager for the Latin American Migration Program (LAMP) of the Jewish Community Services of South Florida.

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Note Your Distressful Experiences
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

I heard these stories from my students:

When I was in the hospital for complex surgery, it gave me a whole new understanding what it feels like to be helpless and totally dependent on the good will of others. I kept thinking, “Now I know what it’s like when others talk about being nervous before surgery.” I remember my post-surgery distress. I felt grateful for those who spoke to me gently and gave me visions of hope. That was five years ago and since then I have been able to give comfort with the knowledge of someone who has been there himself.

I lost my job at the worst possible time in my life. I was financially and emotionally vulnerable. Fortunately, I became successful. I was able to look back at that experience as the turning point in my life. Not only did that lay the foundation for my financial success it also made me much more sensitive to what others go through when they lose their jobs. I utilized what I learned from the experience to give encouragement and advice to many others throughout the years.

When I am alert and full of flowing energy, my mind works quickly. I am immediately able to understand what I read and hear. Even when I don’t understand something, I know that with patience I eventually will. But when I am tired or in an unresourceful state, I feel overwhelmed. I can’t understand even simple ideas. I can look at a page and it just doesn’t register. I forget what I hear in just a few seconds. This pattern has enabled me to be sensitive to those who experience this in particular areas and all the more so to those who experience this all the time.

I went through a bout of depression. It didn’t last very long. But I couldn’t shake it as quickly as I would have wished. From then on I stopped offering simple platitudes to others who were depressed.

Every difficulty in your life builds up your mental library of what it’s like to go through hard times. Every mistake enables you to empathize with others who make mistakes. Every time you become frustrated or angry, you gain a better understanding of others who feel this way. Make note of all your worries and your fears. Make note of your uncomfortable or embarrassing moments. These together with every injury, illness, and wound help you to become more sensitive to the suffering of others.

Make note of what you didn’t appreciate hearing from others when you were suffering. And remember the comments and suggestions of others that you did appreciate. What did they say? How did they say it? Keep in mind that every individual is unique. You might have gained from what someone said to you in a specific way, but someone else would not find that beneficial. But at least you have a better understanding of the distress of those who suffer. And the responses you liked can serve as a starting point.

When you view your own pain, distress, and suffering as tools for empathy and understanding, you have a reframe that will elevate every difficult experience throughout your life. You will never suffer just for yourself. You are always learning lessons about how you can help others. Without life experience, a person can be well-meaning and full of good intentions, but might say the wrong things. With experience, you have greater insight. Your intuitions become more accurate. So remember past moments of distress and view them as great resources for helping others. May you never suffer, but since we all suffer to some degree let your own suffering be a source of light, comfort, and healing to others who suffer.

Speaking Engagements

Kew Gardens Hills, New York City
* Shabbos, June 19, 2005 at 8:20 PM
  Congregation Etz Chaim of Kew Garden Hills, 147-19 73rd Ave.

St. Louis
* June 15, 7:00 PM (exact time to be confirmed) – Aish Hatorah

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