"The Cup of Coffee that Saved My Life"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org

I work at a company that has been taken over so many times that people have become cynical and suspicious of whoever is placed in our division by our new owners. A few years ago, our then-owners decided we needed our own human resources manager, our first ever. I will call her "Justine". She is in her 30s but looks much younger and has a bouncy personality to match, thus giving the impression of being in her early 20s. Most of us are 40 and above so she garnered no respect and a lot of hostility even though she works very hard and puts in longer hours than most of us.

One day she saw me with a coffee cup in my hand. (Our cafeteria makes lousy coffee, so most of us buy out; it gives us a chance to get some fresh air.) She exclaimed, "Ooh, you have "Sammy's" coffee!" I had noticed that she hardly left her desk, so I said, "Yes, I get one at least once a day. In the future I'll come over to ask if you would like one." And so a tradition started. She was so grateful since she did not take breaks. Although it took little effort on my part, since I was going anyway, some people thought I was a "patsy" or a sucker for doing this; but of course I was enjoying the pleasure that emanates from doing an act of kindness.

A few months after this started, I was diagnosed out of the blue with advanced cancer. I had not even been feeling sick. The doctors arranged immediate surgery and I ended up being off work for over a year with brutal chemotherapy and radiation.

Because of the coffee and the little chats we had, I wasn't some unknown staff member to our new HR manager, but a person she cared about. Justine fought like a tiger to ensure I got every penny of disability coverage I was entitled to, plus a gradual return to work to ease me back while protecting my health. She is one of the major reasons that I have gone from a near corpse who could barely walk to the bathroom to someone who is working a full four days a week and loving life again.

In case you are wondering, yes, I made sure to email every person in the chain of command above her, right to the top of our multinational, billion dollar conglomerate, to ensure she got the recognition she deserved.

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"First Thoughts"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

What are your first thoughts when you meet another person? People who have a strong tendency to be takers, think, "What can this person do for me?" People who have a strong tendency to be critical, think, "What can I find that is negative about this person?" Some people tend to think, "Do I like or respect this person or not?" And others focus on the question, "Do I feel comfortable in the presence of this person?" And yet others think about, "What does this person think of me?"

When you meet someone, let your first thought be, "What can I do for this person?" This way you will view each encounter with a fellow human being as an opportunity to give and help.

It is relatively easy to develop the habit of asking this question. At first, we need to deliberately ask ourselves this question over and over again. Asking it enough times, will cause it to pop into your mind automatically. After a while as soon as you meet someone you will hear the question, "What can I do for this person?"

Don’t continue to read on right now. Stop for a few minutes, and repeat many times, "What can I do for this person?" Enjoy the process. You can even sing these words with one of your favorite tunes. Feel the joy of elevating yourself.

As you repeat the question, "What can I do for this person?" think of specific people you know. Begin with people you like a lot. Then think of those towards whom you are neutral. Finally think about those with whom you experience difficulty in your dealing with them.

We all need the assistance and encouragement of others at one time or another. Even then we can think about how we can help this person whose help we need. We needn’t think of this in terms of bartering: He is doing something for me, so I will do something for him. Rather, this can be viewed as part of our general attitude of wanting to help others even more than we want others to help us. Even if someone has more resources than we do, we still might be able to say or do something to enhance his life.

A friend of the author explained how he became more sensitive to the needs of others:

I used to be judgmental towards others. I would automatically focus on, "What is wrong with this person?" and, "What faults can I find?"

I often heard the expression, "When you look for something, you will find it." I readily found the blemishes, the mistakes, the errors, and the limitations. This caused me considerable frustration, anger, resentment, and cynicism. In general, I looked down at others. Others felt this negative energy emanating from me, and this created difficulties in my getting along with others. What I did was the opposite of what one would do if one wanted to win friends and influence people.

The turning point came when I was advised to keep asking, "What can I do for this person?" At first I balked. "Why should I think of others? Others don’t think about what they can do for me."

"What do you have to lose?" I was challenged. "Your present situation is highly distressful. It makes sense to do all you can to improve things. Try it for a couple of weeks.
So I joined the ranks of those who ask, "What can I do for this person?" In the beginning, I heard a cynical inner voice, "Who are you trying to fool? This isn’t you."

But I was committed to try for at least two weeks and I intended to keep my word. In just a few days, I experienced a major shift in the way I felt towards others. It was unbelievable how powerful this was in changing the way others viewed and treated me. Much of the constant stress that I formerly felt melted away. I had more energy than I ever did before and increased joy. I highly recommend this practice for others. And that is what I can do for you.

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Israel
* August 24 – 28

* October 17 – 26

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