KIND WORDS
This Person Needs to Be Helped Versus I Need to Help

"A Moving Story"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org

Many years ago I was expecting my third baby. We decided to sell our house to move closer to my husbands work since he was gone 70 hours each week due to his long commute and the long hours he worked. I felt overwhelmed trying to keep the house clean enough for potential buyers, taking care of two children, being sick with the pregnancy, and packing mostly on my own.

A kind neighbor offered to help pack. I was grateful for the help. On the appointed day she came with another neighbor, piles of empty boxes, tape, and markers. Their children played with my children as they cheerfully packed everything in my entire house! They stayed all afternoon to help. It would have taken me 4 weeks to accomplish what they had done. They were so kind and thoughtful.

"This Person Needs to Be Helped Versus I Need to Help"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

There are many people of whom this is true:

"I love to help people. But I need to be honest about it. When I want to help someone, I resent other people doing the job that I wish to do. I want to have people as my guests and I don’t like it if they cancel out to go elsewhere. When I want to do someone a favor, I dislike it if someone else does it for them. If someone frequently comes to me for advice, I resent it if they go to others instead of me."

When someone is in need of help, the ideal is to want this person to be helped. It is irrelevant who will be the one to effect this. Whether one will be the messenger to help this person or someone else will be chosen, shouldn’t make such a difference to us.

People who aren’t interested in helping other people, don’t have this problem. They hope others will help people instead of them. They feel relieved not to be asked. If they are asked and then someone else resolves the issue, they are happy about it. But people who love to help others have a challenge with their attitude towards others doing what they wish to do.

When your wishing to help others comes from a sincere caring about the other person’s welfare, you will feel good about this person’s needs being met. You are ready to volunteer to help out. But only because your help is actually needed. When it isn’t, seek other outlets for your loving to do acts of kindness.

The author heard this story from a student:

For many years, I would consult with a wise and compassionate teacher. She would give me advice and encouragement and I benefited greatly from her. Once there was a major decision I had to make and it was more convenient for me to consult someone else. I felt a need to be totally honest with my teacher and I apologized to her for not consulting with her.

"You have no need to apologize," she said with total sincerity. "When you need me, I hope to always be there for you. But you should consult the person you feel is best for you at a given moment. Never feel obligated to ask me my opinion if you feel that it will be better for you to consult someone else."

I felt relieved that she wasn’t upset and both my respect and my gratitude increased greatly.

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