Although I am blind, I live an independent life; in fact, I am more independent than many sighted people.

When people try to help me, it seems that they often don’t understand the feelings and needs of a blind person. Sometimes I feel like a "victim" of kindness

For example:

"I'll open the door for you" -- Boomp! -- the door is half-open.

"Let me open the door for you" The person holds the door open from the opposite side, with their arm at the level of my forehead. -- Boomp!

I deposited a check of mine in a different bank. The teller said the figures were not clear and made them clearer. The check bounced because the amendment was not initialed. I had to return to the bank as well as pay bank charges!

My letter is half-way in the letter-box when someone says, "let me help you!"

I bought an electric toothbrush and asked a neighbor to show me how to put in the batteries. "Don't worry, any time you need, just come," they told me. I insisted and finally, I was shown

At traffic lights someone will often say: "It's red now. DON'T cross" But hardly ever does someone say "It's green now!"

In the bus, someone says: "You can sit here/there" Where is "here/there?"

Unfortunately I learned not to rely on people who want to help.

If you want to help a blind person, keep these things in mind:

1. Ask a blind person if he/she needs help. Don't just grab him. LISTEN to the answer.

2. Don't use words such as "here", "there" or "straight." Be sure you know the difference between "left" and "right!"

3. Don't do half a job e.g. Help someone half-way across the road, leaving him on the island in the middle!

4. Respect the independence and efforts of the blind person. Don’t tell them "It's hard for you…" "You don't know how to…" "Well done…" (the latter in a pejorative tone)

Most people reading this will think "I would never behave like that." But on the spur of the moment people behave automatically. Although you have good intentions, think about what a blind person needs and how they feel before you try to help them.

"Don’t Do Unto Others"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

The number one principle for knowing what not to do to others was stated by the sage Hillel: "What you yourself dislike, don’t do to another."

When we want to say something to another person and aren’t certain if we should say it, we can ask ourselves, "Would I want someone to say something similar to me?"

When we have an ethical question about whether a certain business practice would be acceptable, we can ask ourselves, "How would I feel if someone did this to me?"

If someone would want to play a practical joke on another person, he can ask himself, "Would I prefer that someone else not do something similar to me?"

We are different from any other person on the planet. Even if we wouldn’t mind if someone said something to us, we should still not say that to someone who would be hurt or offended by what we say. It could be that we would find a certain practical joke humorous even though we were the "victim." We nevertheless have no right to cause someone else distress because it wouldn’t have bothered us. Hillel’s rule is not a license to automatically do to others what we wouldn’t mind ourselves. Rather it’s a general guideline to make us more sensitive to the potential distress and pain of others.

Build up your awareness of what you would not want others to do to you. Every time someone says or does anything that you find distressful, immediately add it to your mental database of what you are now totally committed not to do to others. Similarly, if you observe or hear about something that is done to another person, and you feel, "I wouldn’t like anyone to do that to me," add it to your "I won’t do this to others," list.

I asked people to become more aware of what they didn’t like others to do to them. Here are some of the results:

I used to keep people waiting. Then I noticed how annoyed I became when others made me wait. This motivated me to be more prompt.

I became impatient when people asked questions that I thought they should know on their own. Then someone responded rudely to a question I asked. From then on I made a special effort to be more respectful to others who asked me questions.

I am curious and tend to ask a lot of personal questions. I encountered someone who asked me questions that I wouldn’t think of asking others. This gave me a greater awareness that I should weigh what I ask not to offend anyone.

When guests came to my home, I would insist that they eat. I was at someone else’s home and didn’t have an appetite. They kept repeating, "Please eat something. " I said that I wasn’t hungry, but they were persistent. I now ask, "Perhaps you would like something to eat." But when I get a negative response I don’t persist.

I used to tap my fingers on the table. After thinking about Hillel’s principle, I noticed that it annoyed me when others tapped on the table. I made a strong resolution to stop and I no longer have this habit.

Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.

Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.

If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.

The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness

For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
e-mail: info@...