"Understanding Pure Souls"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org

Three years ago we decided to move to Israel, after being married and living in New York for eight years. At the time we were expecting a baby, so we agreed to wait till after the birth and then go.

When our sweet little boy was born the doctor very kindly told us that our newborn had Down syndrome! The world turned upside down!

A few months later life returned to normal (under the circumstances). After little Dovid had a tube inserted in his stomach and after undergoing open heart surgery, we continued with our plans.

With much help and support from a wonderful organization called Nefesh Benefesh, we finally fulfilled our dream and came Home. Once we settled somewhat, my wife Sara, who is a super special kindhearted woman, mentioned how there was a need for a support system for families with special children. In the U.S., our friends had given us a wonderful magazine called Down Syndrome Amongst Us, written by a very special woman, Sara Sander, who herself has a child with Down syndrome; that magazine gave us much support and inspiration in those difficult early days.

So my wife decided that she would publish a similar magazine in Hebrew. The only problem was that my wife did not know much Hebrew. However, she decided it is something that must be done; so she gathered articles and asked people to write personal stories; she even got the director of the National Center for Down syndrome at Hadassah hospital to write an article about all the medical issues. She asked a kind neighbor to translate anything which was originally written in English.

Sure enough, just in time for Dovid's third birthday, the magazine was published. All the above was done while taking care of Dovid and our other children. She also gave birth nine months ago to a healthy baby girl.

A few weeks ago, when a neighbor mentioned that her sister just had a new baby with Down syndrome, we gave her a copy of the new magazine. She was able to read it and draw some emotional support and even smile. The name of the magazine is Neshoma Tehorah. It is available in Hebrew world wide. For more information contact neshomatehora@...

The Power Of "Why?"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

"Why?" One word that can elicit so many different reactions. When you ask someone "Why?" you can enlighten or frustrate. You can find new insights or cause defensiveness. A curious "Why?" asker can be an inventor, a brilliant researcher who finds medical and technological breakthroughs. When you keep asking yourself, "Why?" you will gain considerable self-knowledge that will enable you to gain a greater understanding of your own motivations and reactions. The question "Why?" can also cause a person to rationalize, to invent farfetched reasons that have no basis in reality even though someone thinks they are accurate, or to willfully state a good sounding answer that is blatantly false.

Help people understand themselves better by asking them "Why?" questions. An important warning!! Only direct "Why?" questions to people who appreciate them. Refrain from asking such questions when they would be considered an invasion of privacy or would cause irritation and anger. Using "Why?" wisely and compassionately, however, will enable people to get in touch with their values and drives. An honest answer to "Why?" teaches us what motivates us. At times it will enable a person to realize that blocks, fears, and apprehensions have no real foundation and then they will no longer be a source of anxiety or limitation.

For example, if someone is worried and you keep asking, "Why are you worried about this?" he might realize that what he is worrying about is unlikely to happen or won’t be so bad even if things don’t go the way he wishes. You might ask, "Why would that be so awful?" and the person can see that it really wouldn’t be so awful. If someone is afraid of public speaking, asking, "Why are you afraid of speaking to people?" might show him that the fears are greatly exaggerated. Then he will find them easier to overcome.

Some people will gain a lot asking themselves, "Why?" But they won’t feel comfortable sharing their inner thoughts with others. If so, suggest they ask themselves, "Why?" questions. Since they will keep their answers private, they will find it easier to be honest with themselves about why they are doing the things they are doing. This can influence them to refrain from doing things that are counterproductive. And they will be able to elevate their motivation if they find that they are doing the right things for the wrong reasons.

When you are doing kind acts, don’t allow an imperfect reason to prevent you from further kind acts. Some people might realize that they are acting kindly because they want to be liked or are afraid of the anger of others. Some might do kindness for the approval and honor they receive. It’s preferable to do kindness with ulterior motives than not to do kindness at all. The goal is to keep doing the kind acts, and to elevate your reasons for doing them.

I heard this story from one of my students:

The "Why?" questions of a counselor changed my life. I had some issues to work out and I consulted a professional. The first thing he asked me was, "Why are you here?" I told him what I considered to be the real reason. He kept asking me again and again: "Why are you here?" I delved into myself and the insights I gained enabled me to create a much more meaningful life for myself and my family.

If anyone asks you an annoying "Why?" question, you have a number of options as to how to reply. Some are: "Why not?" "Why do you feel a need to know?" "Why is that important to you?" "That’s a good question. I’ll think about it." Or simply, "I would prefer not to answer."

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