KIND WORDS
Leave People Feeling Better About Themselves

"Reaching Out Beyond the Bars"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org

Our magazine has fallen on some hard times. For the past year or so, we have not been able to pay authors for the articles we publish. It's surprising how many writers are OK with allowing their writing to be published for free, just for the credit and the ability to see their writing in print.

One author whose writing we wanted to publish, though, was special. He's an inmate in a prison who sends us handwritten submissions all the time, a widely read and thoughtful gentleman who clearly has a mind for God and an open heart.

When finally one of his articles was just what we were looking for at the time, and we were able to publish it, I felt that merely the acceptance notice would not be enough. I really wanted to send him some money for the article, knowing that, in his circumstances, even a little payment would go a long way toward making his life a little brighter. So I did it. I sent him a money order out of my own pocket, never letting on that it was anything other than payment by the magazine for the published article. It wasn't much, but it felt good to imagine him getting the check in the mail and being able to spend it on something that would make him happy.

Oh, and by the way, he's the one that told us about your wonderful work at Partners in Kindness. He mentioned your story in one of his articles, having read about it in the Jerusalem Post. What goes around.....

"Leave People Feeling Better About Themselves"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

A valuable principle to keep in mind is: Leave people feeling better about themselves as a result of having met you.

Some people take pleasure in putting others down. It makes them feel more powerful to make others feel lower. In reality, the perpetration of such a crime lowers and demeans the perpetrator rather than the victim.

The person who leaves others feeling better about themselves elevates himself. The question to ask yourself is, "What can I say to this person that will give him a positive feeling?"

Be sincere in what you say. The goal is not to flatter or to give people a false sense of having a positive quality or attribute that they are missing. Rather the goal is to keep on developing your own "good eye" to see the positive in each person. When you develop positive feelings about other people, not only what you say will make them feel good but also how you say it. And not only your words will accomplish this, also the look on your face and your smile.

Use enthusiastic expressions. Instead of saying, "Not bad," you can say, "That was really good."
Instead of saying, "That was o.k.," you can say, "You’re doing great."
Instead of saying, "That seems right," you can say, "That was very insightful."

Here are some other possibilities:

* "I admire your kindness."
* "I respect the way you handled that."
* "You have a lot of courage to do that."
* "That was magnificent of you."
* "I find you an inspiration."
* "There is a lot that I can learn from you."
* "You are so kind to have said that to me."
* "Your goodness is so much a part of you that you take it for granted."
* "Every time I see you I feel happier."
* "Whenever I meet you, I remember the kindness you have done for me."

One of the author's students told him this story:

"I am now embarrassed to admit that I used to take pleasure in putting people down. I was a low-paid clerk at a non-prestigious job. It gave me a sense of being one-up to always say things that implied that I am superior and this person is inferior. Even when I wasn’t on the job, whenever someone told me about an accomplishment of theirs, I would say something to the effect that this was minor in comparison with what others have done."

"I changed my pattern after meeting someone who told me that he made a resolution to always leave people feeling better about themselves. I tried to belittle this person in a number of ways. Then the person asked me, "Tell me the truth. How would you like people to feel after an encounter with you?" This wasn’t really a question. We both knew what I was up to. From then on I realized that if I really want to feel good about myself, the way to do it is to make others feel good."

Feedback from our readers on our recent story about strokes:

<<Living with the survivor of a stroke is stressful. My father in law had a moderate stroke five years ago. Life is very different now than before.

If you think someone near you is having a stroke ask him/her to do these three things:

* Raise each arm.
* Smile
* Speak a simple sentence.

If the person cannot do even one of these simple tasks, call emergency services immediately, these are the classic signs of a stroke in progress. Strokes do not happen only to the elderly; people of every age have them.>>

<<I wrote this song for a stroke presentation I did a few years ago:

(Sing to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music)

Numbness or tingling in legs, arms or faces.
Headaches from nowhere with no other basis.
Dizziness, clumsiness, words that don’t flow
It may be a stroke to the hospital GO.

At the first
Sign or symptom
Get help right away.
In the ER they can tell you much more
And then you will be… OK>>

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