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KIND WORDS
Happiness-Producing Questions "Diamonds Polished Here"
From: Do Unto Others: How Good Deeds Can Change Your Life
Printed with Permission of the author, Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.,
Founder of the Gateway Rehabilitation System
As a psychiatrist I specialize in treating addiction. Twenty-five years ago I founded The Gateway Rehabilitation System in Pittsburgh. I am often asked whether any particular treatment modality is employed at Gateway. I always answer that our strength lies in our belief in the inherent goodness of every client. This quality is not always easy to recognize in a person who has led a destructive lifestyle for decades, someone whose use of alcohol or drugs has caused great suffering for others. But in all my years of treating illnesses of the heart and soul, this belief has never failed me: each individual's integrity is always there, lurking right beneath the surface, eager to emerge.
Goodness tends to propagate itself. It's apt to form a chain. A story occurs to me of a man named Avi. I first met him while I was in Tel Aviv speaking before a group of ex-convicts in recovery who were coming into our Israeli rehabilitation program, a sister home to Gateway. When I began to speak of self-esteem, this man interrupted me. "How can you talk to us of this? I've been in and out of jail for half of my thirty-four years. I've been a thief since I was eight. When I’m out of prison I can't find work and my family doesn't want to see me."
I stopped him and asked if he'd passed by a jewelry store lately. "Consider the diamonds in the window," I said. "Try and think what they look like when they come out of the mine-lumps of dirty ore, It takes, a person who understands the diamond to take the shapeless mound and bring out its intrinsic beauty. That's what we do here, we look for the diamond in everyone; we help the soul's beauty come to the surface, we .polish it until it gleams." I looked at Avi, all disheveled and hunched over, nearly hiding in his seat, and said, "You're like that dirt-covered ore and our business is to find the diamond within and polish it until it glows."
Two years passed. Avi had graduated from the treatment center, and when the following event took place he had already completed his stay in the halfway house and was integrated into the community, working in construction. One day Annette, who manages the, halfway house, received a call from a family whose elderly, matriarch had died. They wanted to donate her furniture to the halfway house. Anisette called Avi and asked him to pick up the furniture, which he willingly agreed to do. When he went to pick it up, he saw that it wasn't worth saving but not wanting to insult the family, he hauled it anyway.
While Avi was laboring to carry the shabby sofa up the stairs to the halfway house, an envelope fell from the cushions. After getting the couch inside, Avi retrieved the envelope, in which he found five thousand shekels (about $1,700). Now Avi, remember, had served time in prison for burglary. When he was doing drugs he would have broken into a home fox twenty dollars. But now Avi called Annette and told her about the envelope. Annette said it must be reported to the family.
The family was so gratified by Annette's and Avi's honesty that they told her to keep the money for the halfway house. As a result, the halfway house was able to buy one more bed and to provide room for one more guest, creating another opportunity for recovery. And Avi wasn't a crook anymore.
Avi relayed this story to me in a letter. He wrote, "When I used drugs I would get a high for a very short time and when the high wore off I felt terrible, worse than before. It's been three months since I found that money and every time I think of what I did, I feel good all over again. How different a feeling than a temporary fix."
Another year went by and I returned to that halfway house where Avi's good deed had set off a chain of events which led to, among other things, an extra bed. There was a sign hanging above the entry. It read: DIAMONDS POLISHED HERE.
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"Happiness-Producing Questions"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
When you ask people questions, you get them to focus on specific pieces of information and memories. It’s an act of kindness to ask the type of questions that give people pleasure and increase their level of happiness.
Here are some questions that you can use as tools to help people access positive states:
* What gives you the most happiness in your life?
* What were your greatest moments?
* What are your favorite childhood memories?
* What are some of the nicest things that people have said to you?
* What was your best vacation?
* What makes you smile?
* What makes you laugh?
* Who makes you feel good just by being in that person’s presence?
* What do you enjoy reading?
* What songs put you in positive states?
* What is your favorite possession?
* What is your favorite day of the year?
* When have you unexpectedly had a better time than you thought you would?
* When have you been pleasantly surprised by the way something you did turned out?
* When did you feel you would succeed and you actually did?
* When have you felt joy about seeing someone you hadn’t seen in a long time?
* What praises and positive feedback have you appreciated?
* What is the nicest thing a teacher ever told you?
* When did you surprise yourself by being more skillful at something than you thought you could?
* How do you look when you smile at yourself in a mirror?
* When has someone given you a gift that you greatly appreciated?
* What do you consider your wisest decision?
* What advice do you have for others to increase their happiness?
* What did you do for someone else that you felt great about?
* What is the nicest thing a total stranger ever did for you?
* What have you been grateful for in the past?
* What are you grateful for in the present?
* When have you felt joyous for no special reason?
* What healthy activities give you a natural high?
* When were you about to give up and someone’s encouragement kept you motivated?
* (For grandparents): What is a clever thing one of your grandchildren said?
* What is your favorite question that anyone ever asked you?
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New
80 Special Upgrades for Your MindFrom Zelig Pliskin
For more information visit:
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