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KIND WORDS
Enhancing Marriages
Enhancing Marriages
“Putting Someone Else in
Your Shoes”
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
I was walking with a friend in the neighborhood and she was raving about her comfortable tie shoes. A few days later, she took me to a store that specializes in them. Even though they were expensive, I bought a pair in beige. They were very comfortable, but I only wore them a few times because every time I put them on, I felt old. So they stayed in the closet.
One day when I was visiting a dear neighbor, Sophie, in a nursing home. She said she wished she had comfortable shoes. When I went home, I checked the size of my shoes in the closet. They were a perfect fit for Sophie. She wore them every day when she rode around in her wheelchair.
Sophie died a over a year ago. She always gave me such good advice, "Make time for your husband -- he comes first," she would say and "Don't worry about your children; they need to stand on their own."
Sophie never stood in my shoes, but she wore them with comfort, and I was able to give a little back to her for all she did for me.
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"Enhancing Marriages"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
“You could have done better.” The mother who said this to her son caused this couple strife and friction for many years to come. Five powerfully destructive words.
“What a jewel you have.” These five words created a beautiful marriage. Both the husband and wife viewed one another as precious diamonds. The man who was told this had viewed his wife through critical lenses. Then someone he respected said this to him.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Of course,” he was told. “You are married to a very special person. Treat her as a diamond and she will reciprocate.” He did, and she did.
Be on the lookout for what you can say to a married couple that will enhance their marriage. Even people who love and respect each other dearly can use positive feedback.
Be careful. A couple that is having serious difficulties interacting with each other might react with cynicism if your praise is too profuse. You might say, “You are married to a wonderful person,” and what will go through the mind of the recipient will be, “You don’t know what you are talking about.” In such situations mild praise on a specific positive action would be preferable.
In my book Marriage, I have elaborated on how to enhance a marriage. Here are a few ideas that you can pass on to a married couple.
• Apply outcome thinking. That is, before you say or do something, ask yourself, “What will be the outcome of what I will say or do?” Only say or do things that are likely to have positive outcomes.
• See the good. Focus on the positive deeds, qualities, and patterns of your spouse.
• Don’t cause pain. Give pleasure. These five words create positive marriages.
• Reframe positively. Find positive ways to evaluate what your spouse says and does.
• Apologize first. Take the initiative to apologize for any mistakes, misunderstandings, or wrongs.
• Focus on your own responsibilities. Don’t blame your spouse for not being all that he or she should be. Rather, focus on your own responsibilities to be loving and respectful.
• Speak with respect at all times. Even if you are upset or angry, still speak with respect.
• Build your character traits as you build your marriage.
• Constantly say and do things to put your spouse in positive states.
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Kindness in French, Spanish and Portuguese
To Subscribe and visit our archives, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Potentiel_de_Bonte/ (French)
http://espanol.groups.yahoo.com/group/LapracticadelaBondad/ (Spanish)
http://br.groups.yahoo.com/group/ParceirosNaBondade/ (Portuguese)
If you or your school would like to translate our e-mails into other languages, send an e-mail to: info@...
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Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.
If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness
For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
e-mail: info@...
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
I was walking with a friend in the neighborhood and she was raving about her comfortable tie shoes. A few days later, she took me to a store that specializes in them. Even though they were expensive, I bought a pair in beige. They were very comfortable, but I only wore them a few times because every time I put them on, I felt old. So they stayed in the closet.
One day when I was visiting a dear neighbor, Sophie, in a nursing home. She said she wished she had comfortable shoes. When I went home, I checked the size of my shoes in the closet. They were a perfect fit for Sophie. She wore them every day when she rode around in her wheelchair.
Sophie died a over a year ago. She always gave me such good advice, "Make time for your husband -- he comes first," she would say and "Don't worry about your children; they need to stand on their own."
Sophie never stood in my shoes, but she wore them with comfort, and I was able to give a little back to her for all she did for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Enhancing Marriages"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
“You could have done better.” The mother who said this to her son caused this couple strife and friction for many years to come. Five powerfully destructive words.
“What a jewel you have.” These five words created a beautiful marriage. Both the husband and wife viewed one another as precious diamonds. The man who was told this had viewed his wife through critical lenses. Then someone he respected said this to him.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Of course,” he was told. “You are married to a very special person. Treat her as a diamond and she will reciprocate.” He did, and she did.
Be on the lookout for what you can say to a married couple that will enhance their marriage. Even people who love and respect each other dearly can use positive feedback.
Be careful. A couple that is having serious difficulties interacting with each other might react with cynicism if your praise is too profuse. You might say, “You are married to a wonderful person,” and what will go through the mind of the recipient will be, “You don’t know what you are talking about.” In such situations mild praise on a specific positive action would be preferable.
In my book Marriage, I have elaborated on how to enhance a marriage. Here are a few ideas that you can pass on to a married couple.
• Apply outcome thinking. That is, before you say or do something, ask yourself, “What will be the outcome of what I will say or do?” Only say or do things that are likely to have positive outcomes.
• See the good. Focus on the positive deeds, qualities, and patterns of your spouse.
• Don’t cause pain. Give pleasure. These five words create positive marriages.
• Reframe positively. Find positive ways to evaluate what your spouse says and does.
• Apologize first. Take the initiative to apologize for any mistakes, misunderstandings, or wrongs.
• Focus on your own responsibilities. Don’t blame your spouse for not being all that he or she should be. Rather, focus on your own responsibilities to be loving and respectful.
• Speak with respect at all times. Even if you are upset or angry, still speak with respect.
• Build your character traits as you build your marriage.
• Constantly say and do things to put your spouse in positive states.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kindness in French, Spanish and Portuguese
To Subscribe and visit our archives, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Potentiel_de_Bonte/ (French)
http://espanol.groups.yahoo.com/group/LapracticadelaBondad/ (Spanish)
http://br.groups.yahoo.com/group/ParceirosNaBondade/ (Portuguese)
If you or your school would like to translate our e-mails into other languages, send an e-mail to: info@...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.
If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness
For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
e-mail: info@...
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