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KIND WORDS
Increasing Confidence "Listen -- you can make such a difference."
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.TraditionOfKindness.orgThe author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
Years ago I started giving, and organizing others to give rides to elderly people who could no longer drive. Often when they called to ask for transportation, they sounded very depressed and worn out.
I would let them talk for a long time while I would quietly do my housework (dishes, folding laundry, etc.) I could do this while I listened with full attention.
By the end of the "conversations" they sounded much more energetic and not so depressed. I realized that actively listening to people is one of the most important acts of kindness a person can do. Think of how you feel when someone really listens to what you have to say. How much of a difference it makes to you.
Now imagine you are an isolated elderly (or not so elderly) person with no family around. You have little REAL contact with people.
Now imagine someone giving you their full attention and being interested in your life, your family, your troubles, etc.
Listen -- you can make such a difference.
"Increasing Confidence"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Lack of confidence is one of the biggest handicaps a person can have. Each handicap by definition limits us in some way. But many handicaps have the potential to strengthen our character. Growing from a handicap makes one great. Lack of confidence, however, weakens us. It prevents us from doing all that we could do and being all that we could be. Giving someone the gift of confidence will be the root of much good in that person’s life. This is a gift whose benefits keep increasing as time goes on.
Help people become more aware of how they already have confidence in many areas. Ask them to list at least ten areas where they feel confident. People who lack confidence tend to say, "I’m not confident." But the truth is that everyone is confident about a multitude of items.
I ask people who tell me that they aren’t confident, "Are you confident that you know the entire alphabet?"
"Of course," is the inevitable reply.
"Are you confident that you can count from one to twenty?" And again obviously the answer is yes. There are so many things that we take for granted that we know and can do. Every last thing that you know you know and know that you can do forms part of your attribute of confidence. Certainly you want to become more confident in other areas. So it’s not that you aren’t confident. Rather, you are making a goal to increase this valuable quality.
Those who lack confidence can be told, "Even when you don’t know something, you can be confident that you don’t know it. And you can be confident that with the right teacher and coach you can learn many of the things that you don’t yet know."
It can help to ask people whose confidence you wish to build, "Have you ever experienced not being confident about a subject or skill and then gained confidence?" We all have. If a person doesn’t remember any instances right away, ask him to recall what he can do now that he couldn’t do when he was born. He has already increased the amount of things that he is confident about. The same way that he already increased confidence he can keep on increasing this trait.
You might say, "If this sentence is true, please repeat it, ‘I am confident that I can count to ten.’" After he repeats the sentence, you can ask, "You really are confident about this, aren’t you?" Many people who say they lack confidence feel that they need to change their entire personality in order to be confident. When they repeat the sentence that they are confident they can count to ten, they experience that confidence doesn’t necessitate a major transformation of personality. "From now on," you can suggest, "view yourself as having confidence and that you are adding to it all the time."
One of my students told me this story:
My parents were critical and I grew up without confidence. I always felt that if my parents were less critical, I would have been much more confident than I am. As I grew older I had a friend who also lacked confidence.
"My parents weren’t critical of me," he confided in me, "but they were very bright and successful and so was my older brother. I was rather average and felt less confident than others who were equal to me in intelligence and talents."
We discussed methods of dealing with our feelings of inferiority with a professional.
"How would you like to feel?" he asked.
"Confident," we replied.
"What stops you from feeling this way?" he asked. We gave our diverse answers, blaming our lack of confidence on our parents.
"There’s bad news and good news," he told us. "The bad news is that you are wrong, and the good news is that you are mistaken."
He noticed our puzzled faces, and continued. "The reason you lack confidence in the present is not because of your parents. It’s because you have chosen to view yourself this way and you keep making this choice. From now on start viewing yourselves as confident people. Think about all the things you are already confident about. Stand and walk the way a confident person would stand and walk. Look like a confident person would look. And speak with the tone of voice of a confident person. You can even say, "I don’t know and I’ll do research to find out," with total confidence. He added, "I believe that both of you already are more confident that you think. Keep thinking about how every act of confidence increases your confidence."
He called us from time to time to reinforce our becoming more confident.
My friend and I worked on this together. I knew we were successful when an old acquaintance who hadn’t seen me for quite a while said to me, "You radiate confidence. What’s your secret?"
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