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KIND WORDS
Mistakes From: Do Unto Others: How Good Deeds Can Change Your Life
Printed with Permission of the author, Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.,
Founder of the Gateway Rehabilitation System
I read a story concerning the aftermath of the tragic crash of TWA 800 over Long Island in July 1996. As the victims' families were returning home, unsure of anything, many without even the identification of their loved ones, they were surrounded by strangers wanting to console them. One of the victims' family members stopped to speak to the crowd. She talked of the crowd's tireless support throughout the weeks they had stayed in a makeshift bunker, a hotel. Each morning the bereaved would walk out to signs that read, "We love you," "We pray for you." Individuals in the crowd spoke out their support. The woman wept as she told the press how much this meant to the families. On this particular day, the last of their stay, an impromptu memorial service was held, one of many. The collective sympathy of strangers is an impressive tool to combat grief. Think of that when you know of someone who is grieving. Reach out to them. This is one of so many simple good deeds you can perform-for them; for you.
Mistakes
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
One of my students told me the following:
I’ve tried to help people in various ways. But unfortunately I’ve made mistakes. I’ve introduced people to each other and in the end they didn’t get along. I’ve tried to give people advice and things didn’t work out as well as I thought they would. I’ve tried to get people jobs, but in the end they were dissatisfied. I feel like leaving well enough alone. Why should I try to help people if it will cause them suffering and they will have complaints against me?
The only way you will avoid all mistakes is by not doing anything. But then you won’t accomplish anything. "There is no one wiser than a person with experience," goes a well-known saying. Learn from your mistakes. They are an integral part of your course on becoming an expert at helping people.
If we would wait for a surgeon with a perfect record, many lives would be lost because highly competent physicians wouldn’t operate since they were imperfect. If only perfect teachers were allowed to teach, there wouldn’t be very many schools. If only financial advisers whose advice has proven infallible were allowed to practice even the most brilliant financial analysts would have to look for another job. Expertise is within reach, perfection isn’t.
If someone asks you for advice and there are other people who are more qualified to give it, defer to those people. But when you are qualified, don’t allow lack of infallibility to stop you from helping others.
View your mistakes as the price you pay for preventing future mistakes. Be honest about your mistakes. Some people fear mistakes to such a degree that they always claim they were really right. They are so afraid of mistakes that they defend whatever they do as having been the best plan of action. This is a normal reaction, and it takes integrity and courage to transcend it. Let the knowledge that you are developing your character make it easier for you to acknowledge mistakes.
Another student explained:
I used to be totally devastated when I made a mistake when trying to help another person. I truly wanted to alleviate the suffering of as many people as possible and to help people improve their lives. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt and embarrassment if what I said or did was counterproductive. The turning point for me was when I needed the help of others. When someone sincerely wanted to help me and did all they could, I didn’t expect them to be omniscient and omnipotent. I accepted the outcome as a matter of Divine Providence. This realization gave me the inner strength to learn from my mistakes and to continue being there for others.
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