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The Power Of "What?"
"A Higher Education"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org
I'm in college in New York. There's a homeless man whom I often run into between classes, and we talk. I can see he really appreciates that, even more than the few coins he collects from people passing by.
I try to always have some kind of food on me so I can give it to him in case I run into him (or for that matter, in case a friend asks me if I have any food when she can't get to the cafeteria).
Sometimes I even run to the cafeteria and buy him a meal. It makes sense because we have a certain amount of money on a card to pay for food instead of real money, and this money disappears at the end of the school year anyway if it's not used up. Instead of having to buy a bunch of cans of tuna or something at the end of the year, I use my extra money to do kindness.
This semester I'm taking accounting, which I already took in high school. Therefore, it's mostly a review for me. I was aware that some people were having trouble, so before our first test, I wrote a note on the marker board with my phone number saying that people could call me if they needed help. I got a few takers.
I talked to someone on the phone who needed help with a specific problem in the textbook, and I even ended up having a sort of tutoring session with two girls together. This was all over the weekend. I had other schoolwork that I could have been doing, but I happily helped these students because I knew that it was kindness.
The Power Of "What?"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Utilize the power of the "What?" tool:
* "What can I do for you?"
* "What do you really want?" (Said in a tone that conveys the message: "I want to meet your real needs.")
* "What do you need to make that happen?"
* "What inner resources that you already have would enable you to accomplish more?"
* "What changes would you like?"
Repeat these five questions until they become automatic for you. The best way to repeat them often enough is to ask them frequently to others who would appreciate them.
A previous section dealt with the power of "Why?" questions. There are many instances when "What?" questions are much more preferable. At times, "Why?" questions will get people even more stuck than they were before. "What?" questions can shed light on what needs to be done to improve a person and solve a situation.
For example, "Why are you the way you are?" and, "Why do you have this fault?" can bolster the strength of limitations and faults. Compare that with asking:
• "What can you do to improve?"
• "What would motivate you to overcome that fault?"
• "What thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs would improve the emotional quality of your life and enable you to experience more joy?"
• "What actions can you take that would help you make the changes that you would want?"
• "What strengths would you need to create new and better patterns of behavior?"
Advocates of using more "What?" questions than, "Why?" questions have calculated that it can take as much time to answer a "What can be done now?" as it would to answer a, "Why am I limited or stuck?" Even after you know why you are as deficient as you are, you still need to do something about it. So if a "What?" question will do the job, it’s not a worthwhile investment to spend too long a time on the "Why?" At times, only by knowing why something is the way it is will we be able to figure out what we need to do now. Then, of course, it’s imperative to answer the "Why?" question before trying to solve the issue of, "What should I do now?"
Some people spend months and months, even years trying to understand why they are the way they are. They use this as an excuse for not changing. "I’m the same as I always was," they proudly say, "But now I know why I am the way I am."
The "What?" question to keep foremost in our mind is: "What can I do for this person?" You might not always come up with an immediate answer. But being on the lookout for what you can do will inevitably enable you to find things that you wouldn’t have noticed or realized without having asked this question.
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