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KIND WORDS
Don’t Do Unto Others"Speaking of Kindness"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.TraditionOfKindness.org
My daughter, Leya, has begun a new tradition in her house. She has an empty can for each member of the family.
Every time someone in the family gets angry at someone, but refrains from saying anything that is not nice to the person, he or she gets to put 10 agurot (3 cents) in his/her can.
In addition, if they say something nice to the person, such as "You know you are really a very nice person", then they put 20 agurot in the can.
When the can is full, the family member can take all the coins and buy something with it.
I think this is such a wonderful way to teach the family members to be nice to others.
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"Don’t Do Unto Others"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
The number one principle for knowing what not to do to others was stated by the sage Hillel: "What you yourself dislike, don’t do to another."
When we want to say something to another person and aren’t certain if we should say it, we can ask ourselves, "Would I want someone to say something similar to me?"
When we have an ethical question about whether a certain business practice would be acceptable, we can ask ourselves, "How would I feel if someone did this to me?"
If someone would want to play a practical joke on another person, he can ask himself, "Would I prefer that someone else not do something similar to me?"
We are different from any other person on the planet. Even if we wouldn’t mind if someone said something to us, we should still not say that to someone who would be hurt or offended by what we say. It could be that we would find a certain practical joke humorous even though we were the "victim." We nevertheless have no right to cause someone else distress because it wouldn’t have bothered us. Hillel’s rule is not a license to automatically do to others what we wouldn’t mind ourselves. Rather it’s a general guideline to make us more sensitive to the potential distress and pain of others.
Build up your awareness of what you would not want others to do to you. Every time someone says or does anything that you find distressful, immediately add it to your mental database of what you are now totally committed not to do to others. Similarly, if you observe or hear about something that is done to another person, and you feel, "I wouldn’t like anyone to do that to me," add it to your "I won’t do this to others," list.
I asked people to become more aware of what they didn’t like others to do to them. Here are some of the results:
I used to keep people waiting. Then I noticed how annoyed I became when others made me wait. This motivated me to be more prompt.
I became impatient when people asked questions that I thought they should know on their own. Then someone responded rudely to a question I asked. From then on I made a special effort to be more respectful to others who asked me questions.
I am curious and tend to ask a lot of personal questions. I encountered someone who asked me questions that I wouldn’t think of asking others. This gave me a greater awareness that I should weigh what I ask not to offend anyone.
When guests came to my home, I would insist that they eat. I was at someone else’s home and didn’t have an appetite. They kept repeating, "Please eat something. " I said that I wasn’t hungry, but they were persistent. I now ask, "Perhaps you would like something to eat." But when I get a negative response I don’t persist.
I used to tap my fingers on the table. After thinking about Hillel’s principle, I noticed that it annoyed me when others tapped on the table. I made a strong resolution to stop and I no longer have this habit.
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