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KIND WORDS
The Way You See People "Being There and Showing Care at Work"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.TraditionOfKindness.orgThe author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
My husband works at a short term closed mental hospital. Patients are usually brought in on an emergency basis after attempting suicide or talking aimlessly on a street corner or threatening people at the mall with a machete for talking about them.
Some are dangerous, some catatonic, some just depressed and some are just seeking a warm place of refuge from life on the street. It is easy to treat these people as misfits or crazies, patients at best, but my husband treats them as people -- each one with his individual needs and personalities. He finds out what makes them tick, talks to them like their friend and makes them want what is good for them. He always lets them know what is going on with them, why their medication works, when they can anticipate being discharged. Little things that other practitioners only tell the family, not the patient.
His specialty is making them think that they are in control and that they are the ones who are choosing to go to a group home or take a new medication. One woman patient who was rather paranoid was back at the hospital again. "Are you going to see me?" She asked my husband who was assigned to her last time but not for this visit. "No, I failed you, this time they assigned you to Bob so he could do a better job than I did." She was pleased. If he had said "No, you can't see me, they changed your therapist to Bob." She would have been immediately upset at her lack of influence and assumed conspiracies.
Another patient was not going to get into a group home because her check was not available till the beginning of next month. Normally she would have been discharged to the street or to a homeless shelter. My husband called a group home and was nice to the woman in charge. "This is a nice patient, she won't give you any trouble and she will have a check in ten days…. Do you have a bed?" "No, not till the first?" "On the first she will have money, but we can't keep her. Do you have a couch for her to sleep on because otherwise..." "Ok, ok, I'll take her."
He always looks for creative ways to get them a safer place to go, whether it means calling in family members and having a session with them, listening to complaining relatives on the phone or finding a drug treatment program.
The proof of his success is that the same patients who called him "Jew" or yelled at him that "it's none of your business", look for him to shake his hand before they leave. It’s not that he didn't put them in their place first but he does it in a way that they understand that he is working for them.
"What do you need?" "Where do you want to go? You want to go home?" most of all he says "I'll make it happen for you" which puts their minds at ease. They feel like they have a personal advocate. And they do.
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"The Way You See People"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
My students have told me the following:
I see people as selfish, self-centered, defensive, and incompetent. And I’ve seen this proven again and again. If people were better, I would be able to treat them better.
I see people as distant and unfriendly. This causes me to close up. And they probably see me the same way, even though inwardly I see myself as a friendly person.
I see people as open, warm, and kind. Whenever they aren’t this way, it’s because at this moment they’re not really themselves. I’ve seen so many people open up and reveal that they are warm and kind so I know that this is the reality of the human condition.
The way you see people is the way they will be in your presence. You the observer have a major effect on the person you interact with. Radiate positive energy and this positive energy will be reflected back to you again and again.
People who view others with negative lenses bring out the worst in others. People who are fearful of others and are easily intimidated, fail to bring out the best. And those who view others in a positive light without being naïve or blinded by wishful thinking will elicit the goodness in others. This does not mean that we can trust everyone. There definitely are people who are mean or dishonest. But you have a better chance of influencing others to treat you kindly by perceiving them as kind.
The toughest people are often those who inside are small frightened children who have been emotionally wounded. View them with love and compassion and the fearful little child will feel more secure. A secure person can let go of a tough façade.
From now on be totally resolved to see people in a positive light. See beyond any outer crust of mud and soil. See beyond the negative façade. See the precious inner soul that is pure and holy. This vision has the ability to create miracle transformations.
One of my students told me the following:
I was having a very difficult time with a few individuals. They were absolutely obnoxious when interacting with me. I tried smiling to them, but they just made fun of me. I consulted a warm and compassionate person who seemed to get along well with everyone.
"How are you able to get along with difficult people who so many others don’t get along with," I asked him.
"I never meet difficult people," he replied.
"What do you mean?" I asked perplexed. "I myself have seen you in friendly conversations with difficult people."
"No one is always difficult," he responded. "I see almost everyone as a caring friend of mine and that is how they respond. I still have to work on myself in this area. But I take responsibility of building up my positive view of those I still don’t view this way."
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