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KIND WORDS
Forgive
Forgive
"Befriending the Bully"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
My second daughter is four years old. A boy in her class has been bothering her since the beginning of the year. He picks on other kids as well. The first thing out of her mouth when I pick her up is "he bothered me AGAIN. It was worse today!" After speaking to her teacher a few times and to another parent who knows the family I felt hopeless. The boy has special needs. There's no dad in the picture. His mom won't acknowledge his special needs. Not wanting my daughter being bullied all year, I didn't know what to do. My mom suggested at one point that we try and befriend him. I figured it as worth a try, but I didn't know if my daughter would go for it. Well, she loved the idea!
We set a date for the following week, and she asked me every day when we'll meet him. The day finally came. We planned to meet at the park, which was a "neutral" area. It was amazing. My daughter and I agreed that we wouldn't mention his habit of picking on her because he was our guest. She treated him with such graciousness. She let him ride her bike. They built a sand castle together and played on the slides and swings. The play date only lasted one hour but they both had a good time.
I was amazed at her ability to forgive him, and just offer him friendship as if it was the most natural thing to do. She knew that it might not work, and that he might continue picking on her, but she had enough courage to give it a try. I felt that it was true kindness.
This morning I was in the classroom when he walked in. The first thing he said to the class was "Yesterday I met with Maayan!" It meant a lot to him as well.
"Forgive"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
At times the greatest kindness you can do for someone is to forgive. Some people will ask you for forgiveness. Others will lack the awareness or courage or humility to ask your forgiveness. Forgive even if you aren’t asked to do so. This can be extremely difficult. And that is why it’s so elevating.
When we forgive others, we are forgiven. This consciousness will make it easier to forgive. When we forgive others, we let go of the resentment and anger that is so dangerous to our physical and spiritual well-being.
The realization that anyone who comes to us to ask forgiveness is actually a messenger from our loving Creator and powerful King makes it easier to forgive. Our mind is too precious to fill it with thoughts and feelings of hatred and animosity. A mind full of compassion and kindness finds it easy to forgive, and this is the type of thinking that elevates and uplifts.
Consider these stories from my students:
I used to find it difficult to forgive others if they wronged me. Then one day I unintentionally said something that offended a person who was mentally unbalanced. After that, every time I met that person he would repeat quite loudly, "I don’t forgive you." I asked him to forgive me, but he would refuse.
"You’re not really sorry," he would say.
"This is ridiculous," I said to myself. "Why is he holding on to resentment for so long?"
Then I realized that I am guilty of the same thing. Of course, what I am angry about is more serious than what this person is angry about. And I am more subtle in my approach to non-forgiving. But what I habitually did was at the core just as out of line as what this person did. I was committed to have a broader perspective and to forgive.
* * *
I met a person who told me that a turning point in his life was when a homeowner caught him trying to steal valuables. The thief begged him not to call the police. The owner looked him straight in the eye and said, "I will forgive you and let you go, but on one condition. I need you to promise me that you will never do this again. I am not naïve to think that everyone who would make this promise would keep it. But I think that you will."
I felt tremendously grateful to him, and said, "I promise."
The man told me to come back for weekly meetings and he would serve as my mentor in how I could straighten out my life. His forgiveness totally transformed the entire course of my life.
* * *
I spoke against someone and then deeply regretted it. I went to ask his forgiveness. This was exceedingly difficult for me since I felt embarrassed.
"I understand how tempting it can be to speak against others," he said to me. "I forgive you." I appreciated his kind way of saying this to me and resolved to be much more careful not to speak against others in the future.
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Kindness is
Coming to Your Town
Coming to Your Town
Shmuel Greenbaum, founder of Partners in Kindness, is available to speak in your community about "Fighting Terror with Kindness."
If you would like to sponsor his trip to speak in your town, contact: info@...
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-January 9, 2007
Yardley, Pennsylvania
-January 14, 2007
ISRAEL
-January 19, 2007 –
January 22, 2007
Available to speak
ISRAEL, Raanana
-January 20, 2007 –
Available to speak
ISRAEL, Raanana
-January 20, 2007 –
ISRAEL
-April 2 – 11,
Available to speak
If you know of any groups that are interested in having me speak, I don't charge a fee, other than travel from New York (if I am not already in your area). For further information, e-mail Shmuel Greenbaum at
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