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KIND WORDS
Express Gratitude
Express Gratitude
"Where We Are Is Exactly Where We Need To Be"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
I suffered for years with premature menopause. The symptoms, some of which were depression, poor concentration, and fatigue, made it difficult for me to work. A close friend, who is a loving, giving person, invited me to stay with her and her family.
I felt bad that I could not afford to live on my own or hold down a full-time job. But, she never judged me or made me feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable.
A year later, my friend became ill with post-partum depression. Since I was still living with her, I was exactly where I needed to be to help her and her family. Because of her care and support, I thank G-d I was feeling better. Not only was I able to run her home for her, I cared for her twelve children, and kept the family and house together. My experience and suffering gave me a deep understanding of what she was going through.
So all those months of my feeling embarrassed and hard on myself when I wasn't well, of accepting my friend's kindness and being part of her family, was all for a purpose. If I had not been living with her, I would not have been able to help her as I did. That experience has taught me that there is a reason why we have to go through things and that everything works out for the best. It is up to us to be patient and trust that where we are now is exactly where we are supposed to be. In time, we will sometimes understand why.
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"Express Gratitude"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Even when you are on the receiving end of someone else’s kindness, you can do something to increase kindness in the world. Express your gratitude for the kindness rendered to you in a way that this person will build up a greater appreciation for doing even more acts of kindness for others.
One of my students admitted:
"It’s not worth doing things for others. I went out of my way to help this person and he just mumbled a thank you. He wasn’t a bit grateful. These days people lack gratitude. I’ll think twice before I go out of my way for someone else in the future."
People tend to generalize. If someone isn’t grateful the only proof there is about a lack of gratitude is that this particular individual lacks this attribute. There is not proof that others also do. Brains tend to generalize, a tendency which is often a vital necessity for dealing with life. As a result when it is difficult to do so, one may be less willing to help others if people have not expressed their gratitude in the past. We should do acts of kindness unconditionally. But it is normal for people to want to know that the recipients of their kindnesses are appreciative. Lack of gratitude by one person breeds the attitude, "People aren’t grateful."
Another student told me:
I did this person a major favor. It was difficult for me to do it. But I felt that it was the right thing to do. I can take it if someone doesn’t express gratitude. But all this person expressed was criticism. He had the rudeness to tell me, ‘Once you do something for someone, do it right. You did six things wrong.’ He actually pointed out six trivial things that I could have done better. If he had spoken in a grateful tone of voice and was just giving me feedback from which to learn, it wouldn’t have been that bad. But he was irritated and his voice and face told me how contemptuous he was of my way of doing things. Next time let him and others like him find another victim. I’m staying away.
If you feel a need to correct something someone did in the course of doing something for you, begin and end with gratitude and praise. Feel and express respect for this person and let this be manifest in your voice and face.
Consider the comments from these people:
I did a slight favor for this person and it was amazing how much he appreciated it. He was so profuse in his praise that you’d think I did something really great. It was easy for me to help him. In the future, I’ll be happy to do other things for him and people like him. He made me feel so good about myself. I told him that it was nothing, and he said with a smile, "Every act of kindness is a wonderful thing."
I met someone who clearly loved to do acts of kindness for others. I wanted to learn from him so I asked, "How did you become such a kind person?"
He modestly replied, "I can’t take the credit for it myself. I owe it all to my grandfather. He was elderly and frail. I visited him quite frequently. It was such a pleasure to be in his presence. He had a great smile. The quality I loved most was his explaining how everything I did for him was so helpful and beneficial. When I gave him a glass of water, he would say, "Thank you so much. I was so thirsty. My mouth was dry and I had visions of becoming dehydrated. Then you were so kind to give me a glass of water. That was so wonderful of you. You saved my life."
I knew he was exaggerating, but he was sincerely grateful. He would give a mini-speech each time I did something for him, telling me how much my actions meant to him. This taught me to see what I did for someone from the point of view of the person I was helping. Years later when I think of kindness, I think of my wonderful grandfather and I see his smile. Even if some individuals aren’t grateful, I know my grandfather would have appreciated the good I do. This is a powerful motivator for me.
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Even when you are on the receiving end of someone else’s kindness, you can do something to increase kindness in the world. Express your gratitude for the kindness rendered to you in a way that this person will build up a greater appreciation for doing even more acts of kindness for others.
One of my students admitted:
"It’s not worth doing things for others. I went out of my way to help this person and he just mumbled a thank you. He wasn’t a bit grateful. These days people lack gratitude. I’ll think twice before I go out of my way for someone else in the future."
People tend to generalize. If someone isn’t grateful the only proof there is about a lack of gratitude is that this particular individual lacks this attribute. There is not proof that others also do. Brains tend to generalize, a tendency which is often a vital necessity for dealing with life. As a result when it is difficult to do so, one may be less willing to help others if people have not expressed their gratitude in the past. We should do acts of kindness unconditionally. But it is normal for people to want to know that the recipients of their kindnesses are appreciative. Lack of gratitude by one person breeds the attitude, "People aren’t grateful."
Another student told me:
I did this person a major favor. It was difficult for me to do it. But I felt that it was the right thing to do. I can take it if someone doesn’t express gratitude. But all this person expressed was criticism. He had the rudeness to tell me, ‘Once you do something for someone, do it right. You did six things wrong.’ He actually pointed out six trivial things that I could have done better. If he had spoken in a grateful tone of voice and was just giving me feedback from which to learn, it wouldn’t have been that bad. But he was irritated and his voice and face told me how contemptuous he was of my way of doing things. Next time let him and others like him find another victim. I’m staying away.
If you feel a need to correct something someone did in the course of doing something for you, begin and end with gratitude and praise. Feel and express respect for this person and let this be manifest in your voice and face.
Consider the comments from these people:
I did a slight favor for this person and it was amazing how much he appreciated it. He was so profuse in his praise that you’d think I did something really great. It was easy for me to help him. In the future, I’ll be happy to do other things for him and people like him. He made me feel so good about myself. I told him that it was nothing, and he said with a smile, "Every act of kindness is a wonderful thing."
I met someone who clearly loved to do acts of kindness for others. I wanted to learn from him so I asked, "How did you become such a kind person?"
He modestly replied, "I can’t take the credit for it myself. I owe it all to my grandfather. He was elderly and frail. I visited him quite frequently. It was such a pleasure to be in his presence. He had a great smile. The quality I loved most was his explaining how everything I did for him was so helpful and beneficial. When I gave him a glass of water, he would say, "Thank you so much. I was so thirsty. My mouth was dry and I had visions of becoming dehydrated. Then you were so kind to give me a glass of water. That was so wonderful of you. You saved my life."
I knew he was exaggerating, but he was sincerely grateful. He would give a mini-speech each time I did something for him, telling me how much my actions meant to him. This taught me to see what I did for someone from the point of view of the person I was helping. Years later when I think of kindness, I think of my wonderful grandfather and I see his smile. Even if some individuals aren’t grateful, I know my grandfather would have appreciated the good I do. This is a powerful motivator for me.
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