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KIND WORDS
What Stops You? "You’re In Good Hands"
The authors wish to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.PartnersInKindness.orgThe authors wish to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
A close friend of mine lost his wife to terror and had to raise seven boys on his own. The oldest child was only seven years old when his mother died. My friend did a great job and was very optimistic.
This summer, the oldest boy was in Lebanon. He returned home with severe post battle stress. He barely spoke and for the most part, just sat in bed and stared. The boy was in outpatient psychological treatment at a clinic, but he wasn’t communicating.
It was very stressful for my friend to see his son suffer; he didn’t think he would ever be able to release the tension. So I arranged for both of them to have massages.
After his massage, my friend felt relaxed and refreshed. His son also had a positive response, but in a much quieter way. A few days after the massage, he asked if the masseuse could come back to talk with him and give him another massage. The masseuse talked to him quietly throughout the massage and was able to get the boy to communicate. He started speaking more and became much more animated.
I hope that with a series of massages and this ongoing relationship, he will make more progress and reach a full recovery.
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"What Stops You?"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
What Stops You?From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
"What stops you?" This is a valuable question to ask yourself and to ask others.
"What stops you from doing more for others?" If the answer is that you are already at your limits of resources of time, money, and energy, that means you are willing to do more as soon as you have greater resources. If, however, the answer is laziness, a need for comfort, selfishness, not caring enough about others, or not even thinking about the issue, you will now have a sense of direction for what you need to do to become more of a giver. When you ask this of yourself, you might prefer the wording, "What stops me from doing more?"
"What stops you?" Pose this question to others who would like to do more than they are presently doing in any area of their lives. There might be major obstacles that are blocking them from doing more or there might be minor obstacles. Being clear about the exact nature of the obstacles is a major step in overcoming them. Often, people don’t think about the exact nature of what stops them. They just know that they don’t, won’t, or can’t do something. Now that they think about the specifics of what stops them they will find it easier to find ways around, over, and under those obstacles.
If a person is stopped from doing positive things because of a lack of knowledge and information, help them get that information. You might have that information yourself. If not, you might know who can be consulted. You might know of books or pamphlets that supply the necessary information, or you can suggest ways to acquire those books.
If a person is stopped because of fear or anxiety, you might be able to alleviate that fear by showing the person that things will be much easier than he thinks. You might have had the same types of fears and overcame them. You might be able to give the person so much encouragement that he now will have the confidence and courage to do what he was hesitant to do before. Ask him how he overcame past fears. Ask him about times he was afraid to try something and when he actually tried to do it the fears vanished. Asked him how he coped with difficulties in the past. Show him that he will benefit so much with what you are suggesting that it’s worthwhile facing those fears head on and not let them get in the way.
If a person is stopped from doing more for others because of self-centeredness, explain how the good that one does for others is the greatest good that one can do for oneself.
A student told the author the following story:
I wanted to continue my studies but because of financial pressures I felt unable to. A friend of mine tried to convince me that it would be in my best interests to start a study program. To me this seemed overwhelming and I meekly responded with an, "I can’t."
"What stops you?" my friend asked me. I told him a number of reasons. Once he heard the specific objections, he showed me how I could overcome each obstacle.
This general pattern of calmly finding the objections and dealing with them has made his life immensely successful. I am just one of the many people whose lives he has helped make more meaningful.
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