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KIND WORDS
Emotional States Are Contagious
Emotional States Are Contagious
"Love Dance"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
I get very dizzy from the motion of dancing, but I was at a wedding last night, and wanted to dance just a little to bring pleasure to the bride.
I was waiting for an opportune time to break away from the circle, when the woman to my right pulled my hand in the direction of the girl who was holding her other hand. Our hands now connected, the woman in the middle stepped away from the circle.
I also tried to break away, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw the teenaged girl whose hand I had just made contact with had a hurt, rejected look on her face. It was then that I noticed she had Down Syndrome.
Did she think I was leaving the circle because I didn't want to hold her hand?
I quickly clasped her hand in mine and danced a few more moments. When I told her "you dance so nicely" her face lit up. I then whispered, "I have to go," as I let go of her hand. However, this time she has a beautiful smile on her face as she whispered back, "OK."
It was worth a few extra seconds of dizziness to ensure I didn't cause her any uncomfortable feelings.
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Emotional States Are Contagious
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Just after writing the above paragraph, as I was on my way to deliver a lecture, I encountered two people who were in very different states. One was highly agitated. He was begging for money and it was clear that he had serious emotional difficulties. I was very aware of how this person’s agitation had an effect on my state. Within two minutes, I encountered someone who was in an entirely different state. This person’s oldest brother was getting married the next day. He was in a happy emotional state, looking forward to the joyous wedding. I walked away in a state of celebration. Both encounters lasted about a minute and both strongly affected my own state.
Mastering your own ability to access your best emotional states at will enables you to have a positive effect on others. Even if you have what would be considered a difficult encounter with others, when you remain calm and clear thinking your state will begin to calm them even before the content of what you say will reach them.
In my book, Happiness, I have dealt with how to gain greater mastery of one’s states. In general, the more practice you have of accessing states at will, the easier it will be for you to access your best states even in complex, difficult, and potentially hostile situations. The states of being centered and balanced, serene and compassionate will enable you to interact with others at your best. Keep practicing your ability to remember times and moments when you were in these states. Keep learning from role models who are in these states to see and hear what they look and sound like. Practicing in front of a mirror will give you feedback as to how you look when you are in your different states. This makes it easier for you to transform your states by changing your facial expressions and body language.
As you master your own emotional states, eventually your very presence will be an act of kindness. When people are around you, they will feel more joyous, more serene, and will feel better about themselves in general.
One of my students told me this story:
I had a teacher who radiated such positive feelings about life and other people that as soon as he walked into our classroom, we all felt that we were in the presence of a special light. He himself had a difficult life, but one would never know it. When you spoke to him, you were the total focus of his attention, and you felt uplifted and inspired. My goal was to emulate him.
I remember the first time someone said to me, "I feel so much better about myself as soon as I begin to talk to you." This person’s feedback was extremely helpful to show me that I was on the right track. I’m not always in the state that I wish to be in. I am resolved to gain greater mastery of my own states because of the good that this can do for others.
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