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KIND WORDS
Ten Don’ts"Can I help?"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.PartnersInKindness.orgThe author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
I recently was married (at age 45) and moved from Chicago, Illinois to Raleigh, North Carolina. Leaving your hometown after twenty five years is very difficult and can leave a deep longing in your heart. My trips back to Chicago have to be very short because I have multiple sclerosis and being away from home adds to the already painful symptoms. My last visit was for just one day.
Making my way to O'Hare Airport and through the security to the gate was like climbing Everest. Usually every step I take is a struggle, like a rusty old Gremlin trying to drive up a mountain road, and this trip in the summer heat particularly made it hard. Since I have not been able to work for over a year and a half and my budget is very, very thin, I took public transportation. Of course I could have gotten a wheel chair, but at age 47 and feeling young in my mind, this was not a comfortable thing for me to do.
I finally got through security and made it to a food court where I had to sit down and get some relief. I was using my cane at that point. There was a Starbucks nearby and I wanted a cup of coffee. I looked at the long line and sadly knew that I could not stand in line. I wondered how many years I would have to live with the pain and struggle, before a cure was found.
Out of nowhere, a woman came up to me and asked if she could get me a cup of coffee; it was like she read my mind. She said her sister had M.S. and she knew what it was like.
I was in tears, not because I could get the coffee, but someone in the middle of what can be a soulless place, came out of nowhere. As I started to cry, I told her that it wasn't the coffee, it was the fact that she went out of her way to check on another person who may have needed something.
Not only did she help me with my physical need by offering me the coffee, she helped me with my emotional need, when she told me that researchers at the Oregon Health Science University say they are coming close to finding something to restore the myelin sheath, nerve coating, that is destroyed in people with M.S..
Earlier on my trip to Chicago, I was at a festival on a hot sunny street, with no shade in sight. I was so tired and thirsty and the vendors were so far away (for me). I didn't know how hard it would be for me to get a bottle of water. I shouted from a distance to two different people who had coolers filled with bottles of water and I offered to pay them if they could bring it to me; both looked at me with mistrust and did not take me up on the offer.
The woman at the airport restored my faith in humanity that weekend. Not only that, but she gave me something to look forward to about my health, which I so badly need. (After ten years, it doesn't feel like there has been rapid progress in the treatment of M.S.)
It may seem like a minor thing to ask someone what they need, but you never know how important it may be to someone else. If you see someone with a cane or someone who just looks tired or stressed, just ask them if you can buy them a coke or get them some water, it could mean everything to them.
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by Shmuel Greenbaum
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From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
[1] DON’T be obsessed with the people you can’t help. Focus on the people you can. You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing about what you can’t do prevents you from thinking about things you can do.
[2] DON’T let the lack of kindness and giving of others influence you to stop helping and giving. Some people feel resentful, "Other people aren’t helping. Why should I?" We learn from role models. Learn from those who are kind, not from those who aren’t.
[3] DON’T keep trying to help someone who truly doesn’t want your help. Some people are very independent. They could gain from accepting your help. But their need to be on their own is stronger than their wish for your help. Be aware that some people really want your help but are embarrassed about it. If you feel that is the situation, try to say things to put the person at ease.
[4] DON’T give up too soon. Some people might think that you really won’t be able to help them so they initially tell you not to bother. If you don’t give up, both you and the other person will see that he will gain much more than he thought.
[5] DON’T complain that other people keep asking you to do things for them. If others come to you for help, it’s an expression that they believe you are a kind person. You might not be able to meet other people’s needs right now, but by being aware of their needs, you might think of a creative solution.
[6] DON’T tell anyone, "I had to go without this for a long time. So you also can go without it." Other people have a right to something even if you didn’t always have it. If you don’t want to help someone, just say a polite, "No."
[7] DON’T be hurt if a selfish person complains that you are selfish. Some selfish people try to manipulate giving people by telling them they are selfish. Perhaps you are being selfish. Then again, perhaps not. You might want to ask objective outsiders for their opinion.
[8] DON’T be naïve. Don’t believe every story you hear. If a story seems questionable, check it out. If you have good reason to believe that someone is lying to you, perhaps he is. But be very careful. Someone’s sad story might not at first seem true, but it could very well be that it is. A person who loves kindness would rather err on the possibility of helping someone who doesn’t need it rather than not helping someone who does.
[9] DON’T say things that might cause someone to feel badly when you help him. Some people might say things such as, "This is so difficult for me to do. I don’t know why I agreed to do this for you." Or, "This is the last time I’ll commit myself to do this for anyone."
[10] DON’T embarrass someone when you do something for him. Be careful not to say or do anything in the presence of others that would cause distress to the person you are trying to help.
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