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KIND WORDS
Don’t Use Your Kindness As A Weapon
Don’t Use Your Kindness As A Weapon
Imagining How
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
My children and I attended a neighbor's celebration. Mrs. Jealous was there too. I think of her this way because she always throws envious looks and comments my way.
She made no effort to hide her unhappiness while my children enjoyed the party with friends they met there, munching on candy from bright bags that had been distributed. Of course, Mrs. Jealous' son had not received any special treats, never being at the right place at the right time, and the other children seemed uninterested in playing with him.
I thought how unfair it was that my enjoyment of the party was being ruined because of this woman's sour attitude. Then I told myself to imagine how she might feel. I smiled as I asked her permission to share some of our extra candy with her son (my kids had agreed). She smiled back in surprise and appreciation.
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From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Have you ever heard a remark like this:
"I have done so much for you already. You are a rotten person for not doing what I want you to do now. You would be nothing without me, do you realize that? If I would have known that you would fail to repay me in kind, I wouldn’t have done for you all that I have done. As much as you could possibly do for me, it’s minor in comparison with what I have done for you."
Some people use their kindness as a weapon. When they are angry towards others they have helped, they attack those people with the kindness they have done for them.
Never use the good you have done for someone as an offensive weapon. Once you have done the good, it’s ancient history. You have gained eternally from the spiritual benefits of your kindness. Don’t destroy your merit by trying to destroy a person you have helped.
If you want to use a past kind act as leverage to motivate someone to help you, do so with respect and dignity. Some people will not bring up past kindnesses even if someone refuses to help them. If, however, you do feel a need to mention a past kindness, don’t even imply that you regret your kind deed. The value of that good you have done is too precious to be negated.
Some people you have helped might be embarrassed to be reminded of this in the future. If this is possible, be sensitive to the feelings of those people and don’t even hint at your having been their benefactor in the past.
I heard this story from on of my students:
Someone told me that he once witnessed an elderly man, who was the head of a charitable organization, being berated by someone he had helped greatly a number of years earlier. The angry person kept yelling and shouting insults. The kind man remained silent and just apologized for having been the source of this person’s being upset.
He later asked that elderly gentleman, "You did so much for this person. Why didn’t you remind him of what you did for him? Perhaps that would have calmed him down."
"First of all," he replied, "this person had a need to vent his angry feelings. I don’t take such things personally. He suffers a lot and I was glad to be able to help him let off steam. Secondly, once I do something for someone, I prefer not to remind him of it. He doesn’t owe me anything for what I have done."
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Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.
If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy.
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
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