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KIND WORDS
How Have You Solved This In The Past? Today's e-mail is sponsored by Michael & Adriane Kreisberg
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Info@... "A Word of Encouragement Goes A Long Way "
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.PartnersInKindness.orgThe author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
A small act of kindness can make a difference not only for a "poor" or downtrodden person but for a well to do middle aged man.
I recently resigned my position at my company I also moved six months ago and bought a second house without having sold the first one. I now have two mortgages and no job.
Somehow financially I've been able to balance everything and expect to keep things afloat. But it isn't easy.
As I have been networking with people I have found most people can't really help. They don't have a job for me or don't have any contacts. I understand.
As a person "in need," although I don't appear to be one, anyone I speak to could, if they tried, realize that there is a strong possibility that things might be a bit tight, that I might have some concerns for the future.
And what would help me short of selling my other house and finding a job?
A word of encouragement. That's it.
I'm not asking for a handout. I'm not even asking them to find me a job. I don't want handouts and people don't always know about jobs. But a return phone call would be nice; just a short conversation so that I might know that somebody at least cared. It's such a small act of kindness that I think people think it doesn't count. A small word of encouragement goes a long way, takes almost no time, and costs the giver nothing.
Do you wonder what you could say? I can tell you what would be nice to hear:
"I heard you left your company, how are things going?"
"We've all been through tight spots. If I can help in any way please let me know."
"Don't worry, this too shall pass and you'll be back in full swing. I've seen what you can do."
The next time you hear about someone's struggles. Even if you can't do anything to help
them, tell them that you care.
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How Have You Solved This In The Past?
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Many people who have specific problems have already solved similar problems in the past. When they are stuck in the problem, they are not in touch with how their previous actions can be utilized to solve it. You have a user-friendly tool to help them remember what they have already done before.
When someone is stuck in an unresourceful groove, he is not likely to recall how he accessed and created more resourceful states in the past. You can ask, "Right now scan your entire life history and answer this question, ‘What have you done in the past to access the state you wish to be in now?’" Or you can ask, "When have you felt this way before? What enabled you to overcome those feelings?"
If someone is having a difficult time interacting with a specific person, you can ask, "When have you interacted well with this person? What did you do then?" Or you can ask, "Think of a similar person with whom with you have interacted well. What was your approach?"
If someone is in a slump in any area of their life, you can ask, "What have you done to overcome previous slumps?"
There will surely be new problems and new situations that this person has never before dealt with. Also, solutions that previously proved effective might not work now. But this is the easiest way to start.
Someone may have suffered from depression in the past, and is currently feeling depressed again. This state is not conducive to clear thinking. Whenever he experienced these feelings, he felt much better after three miles run and doing an act of kindness that was special. The exercise cleared his mind and he could think about ways to solve the issues that were weighing on him. The acts of kindness made him feel better about himself. The question, "What have you done in the past to feel better?" will remind him of the benefits of his exercising and his acts of kindness. Another friend might have spoken with a specific counselor who was very helpful. At this stressful manner, he does not recall this. Your asking, "What has helped you before?" will remind him how much he benefited.
A friend of yours might usually be very creative. His creativity is the means by which he earns a living. He calls and says, "I think I lost my creativity. I haven’t been able to think of anything original for over two weeks." Ask him, "Think of times in the past when you found it difficult to be creative. What exactly helped you regain it?" It might have been a brief vacation. It might have been a visit to a particular location where he could think clearly. It might have been a trip to a garden, a library, or a discussion with another creative person.
A student told me the following:
When I am speaking to someone who is angry at another person and wishes to overcome this feeling, I frequently say, "Think of a specific time in the past when you were angry at this person or at another person and let go of that anger. "What did you think, say, or do to overcome that anger?" Since there are many approaches to overcoming anger, this enables you to find an approach that this person relates to and it is often effective in the present.
* * *
A professional counselor who teaches non-professionals basic counseling skills related, "One of the first things I teach them is to ask people in a crisis, ‘How have you solved a similar situation in the past?’ One of the trainees said that he was faced with someone who was totally discouraged and didn’t feel like living. At first the counselor felt that this called for someone with more experience. But then he remembered to ask the question. The person who was totally discouraged said that he had felt this way at least five times before. He elaborated on the different things that he did to revitalize himself. It was amazing how quickly this helped get the person into a much healthier frame of mind.
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Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy.
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
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