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KIND WORDS
The Power Of "Why?"
The Power Of "Why?"
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Info@... Came Something So Rewarding "
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
I lost my father to cancer and felt as if my whole world had ended; I loved him unconditionally. He meant everything to me. I was so happy to still have my mother. My father was gone for only six months when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. You can imagine how I felt.
I took care of her at her home for one year. She was in the hospital for quite some time at the end of her life. At that time there was a woman in her late forties in the hospital room with her. An older couple (her parents) would come to visit with a special needs child, her son. It was obvious to me that the women had no insurance and little money. Each time I brought my mother a gift, I also brought one in for the woman. I had Michael carry my pocketbook to the elevator. Each day I gave him five dollars.
My mother was very religious. One day a very religious woman appeared and thanked me for being kind to her sister. I felt this was a sign that I would be OK. My husband taught the boy the computer and also played cards with him. A few days later the woman died. I never thought she would be the first to go. I didn’t even think she was gravely ill. I found out later that she also had lung cancer.
Michael was distraught and asked us if he would ever see his Mommy again. We assured him that he would see her in Heaven and that she loved him very much. John, my husband and I took off from work, attended the funeral, sent flowers, and a fruit basket.
The next day following the funeral I had very little strength left, I was emotionally drained. John was going out of town and I told him I didn’t think I could make the trip to the hospital alone. He insisted I go.
I entered the hospital with a heavy heart. When I got off the elevator I was so sad. When I turned to enter my mother’s room I was surprised to see Michael and his Grandparents in the room waiting for me. They came every day until my mother died. Talk about an act of kindness. Their daughter and mother had died in that room.
I became a volunteer at the hospital and started doing what they had done for me for others; out of something so terrible came something so rewarding. One act of kindness created another.
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The Power Of "Why?"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
"Why?" One word that can elicit so many different reactions. When you ask someone "Why?" you can enlighten or frustrate. You can find new insights or cause defensiveness. A curious "Why?" asker can be an inventor, a brilliant researcher who finds medical and technological breakthroughs. When you keep asking yourself, "Why?" you will gain considerable self-knowledge that will enable you to gain a greater understanding of your own motivations and reactions. The question "Why?" can also cause a person to rationalize, to invent farfetched reasons that have no basis in reality even though someone thinks they are accurate, or to willfully state a good sounding answer that is blatantly false.
Help people understand themselves better by asking them "Why?" questions. An important warning!! Only direct "Why?" questions to people who appreciate them. Refrain from asking such questions when they would be considered an invasion of privacy or would cause irritation and anger. Using "Why?" wisely and compassionately, however, will enable people to get in touch with their values and drives. An honest answer to "Why?" teaches us what motivates us. At times it will enable a person to realize that blocks, fears, and apprehensions have no real foundation and then they will no longer be a source of anxiety or limitation.
For example, if someone is worried and you keep asking, "Why are you worried about this?" he might realize that what he is worrying about is unlikely to happen or won’t be so bad even if things don’t go the way he wishes. You might ask, "Why would that be so awful?" and the person can see that it really wouldn’t be so awful. If someone is afraid of public speaking, asking, "Why are you afraid of speaking to people?" might show him that the fears are greatly exaggerated. Then he will find them easier to overcome.
Some people will gain a lot asking themselves, "Why?" But they won’t feel comfortable sharing their inner thoughts with others. If so, suggest they ask themselves, "Why?" questions. Since they will keep their answers private, they will find it easier to be honest with themselves about why they are doing the things they are doing. This can influence them to refrain from doing things that are counterproductive. And they will be able to elevate their motivation if they find that they are doing the right things for the wrong reasons.
When you are doing kind acts, don’t allow an imperfect reason to prevent you from further kind acts. Some people might realize that they are acting kindly because they want to be liked or are afraid of the anger of others. Some might do kindness for the approval and honor they receive. It’s preferable to do kindness with ulterior motives than not to do kindness at all. The goal is to keep doing the kind acts, and to elevate your reasons for doing them.
I heard this story from one of my students:
The "Why?" questions of a counselor changed my life. I had some issues to work out and I consulted a professional. The first thing he asked me was, "Why are you here?" I told him what I considered to be the real reason. He kept asking me again and again: "Why are you here?" I delved into myself and the insights I gained enabled me to create a much more meaningful life for myself and my family.
If anyone asks you an annoying "Why?" question, you have a number of options as to how to reply. Some are: "Why not?" "Why do you feel a need to know?" "Why is that important to you?" "That’s a good question. I’ll think about it." Or simply, "I would prefer not to answer."
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
"Why?" One word that can elicit so many different reactions. When you ask someone "Why?" you can enlighten or frustrate. You can find new insights or cause defensiveness. A curious "Why?" asker can be an inventor, a brilliant researcher who finds medical and technological breakthroughs. When you keep asking yourself, "Why?" you will gain considerable self-knowledge that will enable you to gain a greater understanding of your own motivations and reactions. The question "Why?" can also cause a person to rationalize, to invent farfetched reasons that have no basis in reality even though someone thinks they are accurate, or to willfully state a good sounding answer that is blatantly false.
Help people understand themselves better by asking them "Why?" questions. An important warning!! Only direct "Why?" questions to people who appreciate them. Refrain from asking such questions when they would be considered an invasion of privacy or would cause irritation and anger. Using "Why?" wisely and compassionately, however, will enable people to get in touch with their values and drives. An honest answer to "Why?" teaches us what motivates us. At times it will enable a person to realize that blocks, fears, and apprehensions have no real foundation and then they will no longer be a source of anxiety or limitation.
For example, if someone is worried and you keep asking, "Why are you worried about this?" he might realize that what he is worrying about is unlikely to happen or won’t be so bad even if things don’t go the way he wishes. You might ask, "Why would that be so awful?" and the person can see that it really wouldn’t be so awful. If someone is afraid of public speaking, asking, "Why are you afraid of speaking to people?" might show him that the fears are greatly exaggerated. Then he will find them easier to overcome.
Some people will gain a lot asking themselves, "Why?" But they won’t feel comfortable sharing their inner thoughts with others. If so, suggest they ask themselves, "Why?" questions. Since they will keep their answers private, they will find it easier to be honest with themselves about why they are doing the things they are doing. This can influence them to refrain from doing things that are counterproductive. And they will be able to elevate their motivation if they find that they are doing the right things for the wrong reasons.
When you are doing kind acts, don’t allow an imperfect reason to prevent you from further kind acts. Some people might realize that they are acting kindly because they want to be liked or are afraid of the anger of others. Some might do kindness for the approval and honor they receive. It’s preferable to do kindness with ulterior motives than not to do kindness at all. The goal is to keep doing the kind acts, and to elevate your reasons for doing them.
I heard this story from one of my students:
The "Why?" questions of a counselor changed my life. I had some issues to work out and I consulted a professional. The first thing he asked me was, "Why are you here?" I told him what I considered to be the real reason. He kept asking me again and again: "Why are you here?" I delved into myself and the insights I gained enabled me to create a much more meaningful life for myself and my family.
If anyone asks you an annoying "Why?" question, you have a number of options as to how to reply. Some are: "Why not?" "Why do you feel a need to know?" "Why is that important to you?" "That’s a good question. I’ll think about it." Or simply, "I would prefer not to answer."
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