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KIND WORDS
Mistakes
Mistakes
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
Since I founded DoOneNiceThing.com, many people write to me about nice things they do for others or are done for them. I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a "small" act of kindness. Some actions might be less dramatic than others, but each one has the potential to make a big impact on someone. We never know:
* A man in Missouri told me that his 10-year-old daughter had the idea to give some of her books to a little friend who loved to read but had no books. The father readily agreed to help his daughter assemble some books to give away. But he said she must not give the books to the girl at school. Instead, he dropped them off on the doorstep of the classmate's home to avoid embarrassing her or her family. Is giving away a few used books a small thing? Not to a poor student who is hungry to read, and not to a father who is proud of his young daughter's desire to help others.
* A fellow in Wyoming called me about a nice thing that his friend did: They carpool together in a truck, and on their way to and from work each day, the men noticed another man walking down a long road - everyday. One day the friend put his old but decent bicycle in the back of the truck, and when they saw the man walking, the friend jumped out and gave him the bicycle. The man was surprised and very grateful. Is giving away an old bike a small thing? Not to a person who can now save hours and avoid pain by riding instead of walking. And not to the giver's friend who is inspired by his friend's kindness.
* A woman in New York told me that she buys a sandwich for lunch almost everyday. When she does, she eats half and asks the waiter to wrap up the other half and put it into a bag. When she leaves the restaurant she finds a homeless person to give the leftover sandwich to. Is giving away a leftover sandwich a small thing? Not to a person who is starving.
* A man I know takes a walk every morning in his California neighborhood, and when he does he carries a package of cookies with him. He hands a cookie to anyone he sees - neighbors, gardeners, repair crews, delivery people - and wishes them a heart-felt "Good morning!" When they see him they call out, "Cookie Man!" and wave and smile. Is giving someone a cookie and a smile small thing? Not to the recipient who is filled with joy by a simple act of generosity.
* A marathon runner wrote to me to praise the people who help her train. She is blind, and sighted runners allow themselves to be tethered to her by a loose rope so she can follow the course. She said she has never had a problem finding another runner to help her - someone always offers, and she is deeply grateful to them. Is wearing a loose rope around your waist a small thing? Not to a woman who can now fulfill her dream of competing alongside others.
Every act of kindness matters, no matter how small it might seem to us.
Mistakes
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
One of my students told me the following:
I’ve tried to help people in various ways. But unfortunately I’ve made mistakes. I’ve introduced people to each other and in the end they didn’t get along. I’ve tried to give people advice and things didn’t work out as well as I thought they would. I’ve tried to get people jobs, but in the end they were dissatisfied. I feel like leaving well enough alone. Why should I try to help people if it will cause them suffering and they will have complaints against me?
The only way you will avoid all mistakes is by not doing anything. But then you won’t accomplish anything. "There is no one wiser than a person with experience," goes a well-known saying. Learn from your mistakes. They are an integral part of your course on becoming an expert at helping people.
If we would wait for a surgeon with a perfect record, many lives would be lost because highly competent physicians wouldn’t operate since they were imperfect. If only perfect teachers were allowed to teach, there wouldn’t be very many schools. If only financial advisers whose advice has proven infallible were allowed to practice even the most brilliant financial analysts would have to look for another job. Expertise is within reach, perfection isn’t.
If someone asks you for advice and there are other people who are more qualified to give it, defer to those people. But when you are qualified, don’t allow lack of infallibility to stop you from helping others.
View your mistakes as the price you pay for preventing future mistakes. Be honest about your mistakes. Some people fear mistakes to such a degree that they always claim they were really right. They are so afraid of mistakes that they defend whatever they do as having been the best plan of action. This is a normal reaction, and it takes integrity and courage to transcend it. Let the knowledge that you are developing your character make it easier for you to acknowledge mistakes.
Another student explained:
I used to be totally devastated when I made a mistake when trying to help another person. I truly wanted to alleviate the suffering of as many people as possible and to help people improve their lives. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt and embarrassment if what I said or did was counterproductive. The turning point for me was when I needed the help of others. When someone sincerely wanted to help me and did all they could, I didn’t expect them to be omniscient and omnipotent. I accepted the outcome as a matter of Divine Providence. This realization gave me the inner strength to learn from my mistakes and to continue being there for others.
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Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy.
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