"A Day at the Fair"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum

There is a well-known story about two friends who hadn’t seen each other for over twenty years. They were excited about finally meeting again. They had much news to share and great memories to reminisce about. The one whose city they met in went into a store to make a purchase.

"Good morning, Joe," he said cheerfully to the owner of the store. "I hope that you have a wonderful and great day."

The owner of the store just grunted.

After paying for what he had bought, he once again blessed the store owner, "Have a fantastic day, Joe. And may you be successful beyond your wildest imagination."

Again, the owner of the store just grunted.

"He must be in a bad mood today," the visiting friend commented.

"Why do you think so?" his friend asked.

"Because of the way that he responded to your cheerful blessings."

"Oh, this is the way that he always responds. I’ve been buying things here for years."

"Then why are you so friendly towards him?" the visiting friend asked.

"I wish this person well. But I don’t want him to be my teacher when it comes to greeting people."

Some people have a real fear. They never want to be taken advantage of. And it’s definitely appropriate to be careful not to be cheated or deceived. The Sages’ definition of being taken advantage of is when people ask you to do something that they could really do themselves, but they are lazy and want comfort. Our obligation is only to help someone who is carrying a load that he can’t manage on his own.

When you are kind to someone who is not kind to you, you are not being taken advantage of. You are acting in an elevated manner. This is where the Biblical prohibition against taking revenge and bearing a grudge applies. Suppose your neighbor never lends you anything of his. If he needs to borrow something that belongs to you, it is forbidden to refuse to lend it to him. He is not supposed to be your role model of a kind person. Perhaps if you are consistently kind to him, you will eventually influence him to become a kinder person himself. But even if he never changes, your being kind is what you need to accomplish your mission in this world. And the more difficult it is, the greater is your kind act.

Since being kind to someone who fails to be kind to you can be a great challenge, mentally prepare yourself to pass this test of being a truly kind person. Visualize yourself being asked for a loan or other favor by someone who consistently refuses to lend you anything. Vividly picture yourself being joyous as you lend this person what he needs. Run this over and over again in your mind until you feel that you will be able to carry this out when the opportunity arises.

* The story is truly not over, but I thank you for sharing it. Many of us could have benefited from such intervention in our lives. You took the initiative and are doing a truly great deed. Wishing you the opportunity to help others always and not need help!

* It’s impossible to know the whole story here, but as a parent, I salute these parents and thank them for their kindness to this young man. I bet there will be a special and great "middle" to this story.

* What the writer of "Another Chance" did was put a tiny little "band-aid" on what could be an awful problem. It does feel good to help people, but not everyone is equipped to help in every situation, and sometimes what feels and seems like helping to one person actually extenuates the problems of another. And there are no quick fixes. It took 19 years of familial dysfunction for that 19-year-old to find himself in the predicament of being thrown out by his parents.

This is not at all to say that this or any situation is hopeless. But I am most concerned that you are suggesting that your general readership attempt to help or "enable" people who are in "tough love" situations. These situations often indicate substance abuse. "Tough Love" does not work, nor does enabling. The "helper" must first determine what the victim’s problem is, and, if it includes substance abuse of any kind, your general readership must NOT get involved other than to refer the victim to readily-available professional interventionists, reputable treatment centers, psychologists and physicians who are experts in the field of substance abuse, and of course AA, Al-Anon, and other twelve-step programs.

Substance abuse, chemical dependency, drinking, any activity that stems from the victim’s need/want to self-medicate to numb pain, alleviate shame, ease grief, etc. must be dealt with by the entire family of the victim.  In addition, many cases are "dual diagnoses," meaning that there are one or more underlying mental/emotional/health problems – often subtle – as well as the addiction, making the assessment, treatment and recovery of the victim even more complicated.

Only trained professionals and experts in the field of addiction, substance abuse and dependency should attempt to deal with the dreadful problem of this FAMILY DISEASE. Please.

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