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KIND WORDS "What¢s Her Name? I'll Look for Her."
The author wishes to remain anonymous Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org We rarely go to the beach. Recently, my daughter has been suffering from a certain condition, and has discovered that the beach gives her a sense of calmness and peace. When she asked me to take her, I agreed. When she waded out into the water, I didn't give it a second thought. But moments later when the lifeguard announced that he was going off duty and swimming was at "your own risk", I began to worry. Scores of swimmers remained in the water, but my doubt and worry began to increase as my daughter was nowhere in sight. I stood in my long skirt with my feet in the water, wondering how to find her. 45 minutes had already passed. I explained my dilemma to a nearby woman who shrugged and said "Everyone is responsible for himself." I felt a sense of panic. What kind of world would it be if everyone felt that he was responsible only for himself? Just then, another bather came out of the water. Feeling even more desperate, I explained my dilemma to him. Immediately, without hesitation, he said, "What's your daughter's name? I'll swim out and look for her." A while later, which to me felt like an eternity, my daughter came back to shore. There is an approach to life in this world which believes that each person is responsible only for himself. This approach is tragic and dangerous. How many lives could be saved if our immediate response would be "what's your daughter's name? I'll swim out and look for her" -- a response that expresses caring for another person, even a stranger, and a sense of responsibility for the welfare of others. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note Your Distressful Experiences From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights By Zelig Pliskin Printed with Permission of Shaar Press I heard these stories from my students: When I was in the hospital for complex surgery, it gave me a whole new understanding what it feels like to be helpless and totally dependent on the good will of others. I kept thinking, "Now I know what it¢s like when others talk about being nervous before surgery." I remember my post-surgery distress. I felt grateful for those who spoke to me gently and gave me visions of hope. That was five years ago and since then I have been able to give comfort with the knowledge of someone who has been there himself. I lost my job at the worst possible time in my life. I was financially and emotionally vulnerable. Fortunately, I became successful. I was able to look back at that experience as the turning point in my life. Not only did that lay the foundation for my financial success it also made me much more sensitive to what others go through when they lose their jobs. I utilized what I learned from the experience to give encouragement and advice to many others throughout the years. When I am alert and full of flowing energy, my mind works quickly. I am immediately able to understand what I read and hear. Even when I don¢t understand something, I know that with patience I eventually will. But when I am tired or in an unresourceful state, I feel overwhelmed. I can¢t understand even simple ideas. I can look at a page and it just doesn¢t register. I forget what I hear in just a few seconds. This pattern has enabled me to be sensitive to those who experience this in particular areas and all the more so to those who experience this all the time. I went through a bout of depression. It didn¢t last very long. But I couldn¢t shake it as quickly as I would have wished. From then on I stopped offering simple platitudes to others who were depressed. Every difficulty in your life builds up your mental library of what it¢s like to go through hard times. Every mistake enables you to empathize with others who make mistakes. Every time you become frustrated or angry, you gain a better understanding of others who feel this way. Make note of all your worries and your fears. Make note of your uncomfortable or embarrassing moments. These together with every injury, illness, and wound help you to become more sensitive to the suffering of others. Make note of what you didn¢t appreciate hearing from others when you were suffering. And remember the comments and suggestions of others that you did appreciate. What did they say? How did they say it? Keep in mind that every individual is unique. You might have gained from what someone said to you in a specific way, but someone else would not find that beneficial. But at least you have a better understanding of the distress of those who suffer. And the responses you liked can serve as a starting point. When you view your own pain, distress, and suffering as tools for empathy and understanding, you have a reframe that will elevate every difficult experience throughout your life. You will never suffer just for yourself. You are always learning lessons about how you can help others. Without life experience, a person can be well-meaning and full of good intentions, but might say the wrong things. With experience, you have greater insight. Your intuitions become more accurate. So remember past moments of distress and view them as great resources for helping others. May you never suffer, but since we all suffer to some degree let your own suffering be a source of light, comfort, and healing to others who suffer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20% OFF ZELIG PLISKIN BOOKS AND ALL OTHER BOOKS, AUDIO AND SOFTWARE AT ARTSCROLL: Click on http://www.artscroll.com/linker/partnersinkindness/link/Books/kindp.html You will receive a 20% discount on your order and ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20% OFF KINDNESS AND ALL OTHER BOOKS, AUDIO AND SOFTWARE AT JUDAICA PRESS: Click on
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness. The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at: Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost. If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice). Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy. Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org e-mail: info@... ----------------------------------------------------------------- To un-subscribe send a blank e-mail to: Kindness-unsubscribe@... To subscribe send a blank e-mail to: Kindness-subscribe@... |
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