KIND WORDS
If I Were In Your Shoes
The Stranger Who Became My Sister
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
My husband has been severely ill for many years with diabetes and many other illnesses. I have been his sole caregiver as his children are estranged from him and living in other cities, and his only sibling is ill and living in another country.
After another one of his recent hospitalizations and transfer to a nursing home, I needed to take public transit almost 20 miles to fill out forms that could only be done in person. I carefully planned the trip by visiting the transit system's Internet site and calling to speak to a live operator whose information was different from the automated system.
On the day of the appointment, after I took a train to the last stop, and waited for a bus, I felt anxious about missing the bus, even though the schedule said it was due in a few minutes. I asked a woman standing next to me if she knew about the schedule. When I told her where I was going, she said, "Oh, No! You can't get there on this bus,
you have to take the train back into town and get another bus."
I was stunned; such a trip would take another two hours. She must have seen my distress, when she said, "Look, I know you don't know me, but I live near the nursing home and know exactly where it is. If you will trust me, we can take this bus to my house. I can pick up my car at my house and drive you to the nursing home and wait with you there until you finish. Then I can drive you back to the city to the train station. You know, we women have to stick together."
We rode the bus together and shared stories about our families and how challenging and gratifying it was to return to college as middle-aged grandmothers, something we both had done. The bus ride seemed to take forever and she saw that I was getting nervous, so she kept reassuring me, "It's just a little while longer… Everything will be OK."
I have trouble finding words to express how remarkable this
woman's kindness was. Because she extended herself and helped me to get safely to and from the nursing home, I was able to support my husband at a crucial time.
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"If I Were In Your Shoes"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
It’s easy to view other people’s problems and difficulties as their issue. It has nothing to do with us and we would never be in their situation. Who can really tell? No human being can ever know what the future has in store. Scary, isn’t it? It is possible that you will never be in the same situation as this person. But that is only because the Creator has not willed for you to be tested and challenged this way.
When you realize that if it were the Creator’s will, you would have the same life challenges, you will be more empathetic to the
plight of those who suffer. You will encounter individuals who are homeless, deformed, or handicapped in various ways. Treat each person the way you would have wished to be treated if you were in this person’s shoes.
Consider the following stories from my students:
I am a physician. When I treated patients, I looked at them as being a total different category than myself. Many considered me arrogant, and I don’t blame them. Then I suffered a heart attack and I was a patient in a hospital. I experienced what it was like to be totally dependent on the will of others. From then on I saw myself in every patient I treated.
I tried an experiment. I dressed in rags and went to a place where no one knew me. I was going to act and feel like a homeless beggar for an entire day. What an experience! From then on I said a kind word to each beggar I passed.
I remembered how much I appreciated the words of anyone who said something kind, and I was only doing this as an experiment. Afterwards, I saw myself in every homeless person I encountered.
I was financially well off. I used to look down at people I felt weren’t driven to use their full potential to make money. I viewed them as lazy and unmotivated. Then I suffered a serious financial setback through no fault of my own. I made a comeback and while I had been close to losing all that I had, I was once again well off financially. This experience gave me a new sensitivity to the plight of the poor. When I was going through my crisis, I was depressed and couldn’t think straight. I lacked the energy to do the things I knew I should do. Knowing what it’s like prevents me from being judgmental of others.
I met a brilliant scholar who was unbelievably patient with those who had learning disabilities. When dealing with someone retarded, he
was willing to repeat simple ideas over and over again. I asked him how he developed such patience.
"My intellect is a gift," he replied. "I was born with a quick mind. My speed of comprehension and total recall are gifts that could have been given to others. Each person has a unique mission in this world. I appreciate what I have been given. But I could have been given an entirely different brain. Even now, a brain injury or Alzheimer’s would limit my mental functioning. Keeping these thoughts in mind I find it relatively easy to be compassionate towards those who have not been given the same gifts as me."
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