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KIND WORDS It’s Really Nothing
Just Make the Offer!
The author wishes to remain anonymous Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum Printed with Permission of This morning, as I was driving towards the supermarket, I noticed a friend, walking in the opposite direction, carrying four full bags of groceries. This capable young grandmother walks for exercise daily so I didn't think she'd want a ride. But as I drove by, I noticed that her face looked strained, and she was walking slowly. Once in the driveway leading to the store, I thought, "I don't need to go back; she probably won't accept a ride anyway." However, I'm glad I didn't give into that thinking! I turned around to the other side of the street and called out, "Do you want a ride?" When she saw me, she didn't walk by—she ran toward my car and said, "I'll accept a ride!" I knew it wasn't easy for her to accept my offer. Suddenly, I realized that I was carrying a book in my car that needed to be returned to someone on her street, and told her about the book that I could drop off. "Good," she said. "Now I don't feel so bad." I learned two important lessons from this encounter: First, don't second guess if someone needs your help – just make the offer! Second, help the other person feel comfortable to help ease any potential embarrassment. By doing this, you create a win-win situation! ----------------------------------------------------------------- "It’s Really Nothing" From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insightsBy Zelig Pliskin Printed with Permission of Shaar Press Some people will be reluctant to accept your help. They hate to bother you or anyone else. They need your reassurance that what you did for them was "really nothing." When dealing with them you need to minimize your bother factor even if you had to go out of your way and it took you much time and effort. You might feel a need to let them know how difficult it was and you were still happy to do it for them. But this will just make them even more reluctant to allow you to help them in the future. Be careful not to feel resentful if the person you tell, "It was really nothing," believes you. Some people tend to say this, but deep down hope that the person they helped will realize that what they did was a product of much effort. If you want someone to realize that you care about them and therefore were willing to help them at the price of great sacrifice on your part, tell it to them. But do so in a way that conveys the message, "I feel so much joy in helping you that no matter what I do it becomes relatively easy since you are so important to me." You might want to give someone money because he is presently experiencing great financial difficulties, but that person is the type who doesn’t want to take from others. Then creatively find some subterfuge about how to get him the money he needs. Some examples: Tell him that you have some extra money right now that you aren’t going to be using. You don’t want to leave it in the house and you have reasons why you don’t want it to be put into a bank. Could he please do you a favor and hold it for you. You give him permission to spend it on himself now, and he can replace it any time in the future that he finds convenient. Buy something from him that you might not really need, and buy it for a higher price than it is available for elsewhere, or for more than it’s really worth. This could be an item like a picture he has, an antique that most people wouldn’t buy, or some other item that he might not have thought of selling. Have a friend give him a used computer or another expensive item. Then have someone else "buy" it from him. Thus he ends up with the money that you wanted to give him in a way he feels comfortable about taking. Give his employer money to supplement a raise in salary or a bonus. One of my students told me the following: I was frequently surprised that so many people refused to allow me to help them. Finally, I spoke to a person I knew who constantly did things for other people. "Why do people keep insisting that they don’t need my help when I know they really do?" I asked him. "Can I tell you the truth?" he asked me. "Of course," I said. "I really want to know even if it’s not what I would hope to hear." "You make it seem that it’s extremely difficult for you to do the favors you say you’ll do for them. It’s in your tone of voice and the expression on your face. Create an inner positive feeling towards helping others and express this verbally and nonverbally." I was grateful for this painful awareness. I accepted what he said and made the necessary changes. It’s unbelievable how people who used to decline my offer of help are now totally open and grateful. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 7 More Days to Tuesday, February 24, 2009 If you love these e-mails, say "Thank You!" Sponsor a book dedication or donate any amount you can, no matter how small. 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---------------------------------------------------------------- Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness. The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at: Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost. If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice). Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy. Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org e-mail: info@... ----------------------------------------------------------------- To un-subscribe send a blank e-mail to: Kindness-unsubscribe@... To subscribe send a blank e-mail to: Kindness-subscribe@...
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