KIND WORDS
Express Gratitude Part of A Bigger Universe
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
http://www.PartnersInKindness.org Many years ago my parents had to go from professional jobs in a different country to cleaning houses in order to survive. I was only ten years old and went with them to help out. Many times people would not offer even water to any of us (even to the child) because we were expected to clean and that's all.
My parents have always taught me to be grateful to everyone, because all of us are part of a bigger universe. When my mother got diagnosed with cancer last year, it was incredible how she thanked every single person in the hospital. The cleaning lady at the hospital would always tell me how wonderful my mother is and she is the only one that says "thank you" to her every day! My mother is now in recovery and she still keeps in touch with many people from the hospital. ---------------------------------------------------------------- "Express Gratitude" From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights By Zelig Pliskin Printed with Permission of Shaar Press Even when you are on the receiving end of someone else’s kindness, you can do something to increase kindness in the world. Express your gratitude for the kindness rendered to you in a way that this person will build up a greater appreciation for doing even more acts of kindness for others. One of my students admitted: It’s not worth doing things for others. I went out of my way to help this person and he just mumbled a thank you. He wasn’t a bit grateful. These days people lack gratitude. I’ll think twice before I go out of my way for someone else in the future. People tend to generalize. If someone isn’t grateful the only proof there is about a lack of gratitude is that this particular individual lacks this attribute. There is not proof that others also do. Brains tend to generalize, a tendency which is often a vital necessity for dealing with life. As a result when it is difficult to do so, one may be less willing to help others if people have not expressed their gratitude in the past. We should do acts of kindness unconditionally. But it is normal for people to want to know that the recipients of their kindnesses are appreciative. Lack of gratitude by one person breeds the attitude, "People aren’t grateful." Another student told me: I did this person a major favor. It was difficult for me to do it. But I felt that it was the right thing to do. I can take it if someone doesn’t express gratitude. But all this person expressed was criticism. He had the rudeness to tell me, ‘Once you do something for someone, do it right. You did six things wrong.’ He actually pointed out six trivial things that I could have done better. If he had spoken in a grateful tone of voice and was just giving me feedback from which to learn, it wouldn’t have been that bad. But he was irritated and his voice and face told me how contemptuous he was of my way of doing things. Next time let him and others like him find another victim. I’m staying away. If you feel a need to correct something someone did in the course of doing something for you, begin and end with gratitude and praise. Feel and express respect for this person and let this be manifest in your voice and face. Consider the comments from these people: I did a slight favor for this person and it was amazing how much he appreciated it. He was so profuse in his praise that you’d think I did something really great. It was easy for me to help him. In the future, I’ll be happy to do other things for him and people like him. He made me feel so good about myself. I told him that it was nothing, and he said with a smile, "Every act of kindness is a wonderful thing." I met someone who clearly loved to do acts of kindness for others. I wanted to learn from him so I asked, "How did you become such a kind person?" He modestly replied, "I can’t take the credit for it myself. I owe it all to my grandfather. He was elderly and frail. I visited him quite frequently. It was such a pleasure to be in his presence. He had a great smile. The quality I loved most was his explaining how everything I did for him was so helpful and beneficial. When I gave him a glass of water, he would say, "Thank you so much. I was so thirsty. My mouth was dry and I had visions of becoming dehydrated. Then you were so kind to give me a glass of water. That was so wonderful of you. You saved my life." I knew he was exaggerating, but he was sincerely grateful. He would give a mini-speech each time I did something for him, telling me how much my actions meant to him. This taught me to see what I did for someone from the point of view of the person I was helping. Years later when I think of kindness, I think of my wonderful grandfather and I see his smile. Even if some individuals aren’t grateful, I know my grandfather would have appreciated the good I do. This is a powerful motivator for me. ----------------------------------------------------------------
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