KIND WORDS
Ten Don’ts
Opportunity Is Knocking at Your Window
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of
Many of the children who attend our local elementary school walk past my office window on their way home from school. Every day, a small group of third grade girls knocked on the window and ran away screaming. At first I ignored them, thinking they would stop by themselves. This didn't help. Then I went outside to try to speak with them, but they would run away screaming. I decided to try to collect them and win their hearts.
The next day when they came by, I smiled at them and asked them not to run away. They each told me their name, as we tried to figure out if
our families knew each other. I offered them some water from our water cooler. After that, they'd stop by every day and we'd chat for a few minutes. We talked about school, their plans for winter vacation, and what their favorite snacks are. Sometimes they tested me to see if I remembered their names. They stopped knocking on our window.
Today it was the same story. But seconds after they went on their way, they came running back, calling my name. A girl from first grade was standing alone at the corner crying. Her babysitter was supposed to pick her up, but apparently was late or had forgotten. The older girls called me out of my office to help. I called the girl's father with my cell phone, and waited until he located the babysitter and arranged for her to pick up his daughter. The older girls asked if it was okay for them to continue on their way home. In the meantime, I sat with the little girl and we spoke together until her babysitter
came.
Sometimes we assume that children can take care of themselves. We may think that if a child is crying, she'll calm down and know what she has to do. We might assume that a responsible adult will take charge, and we go on our way. If I had scolded that group of girls for knocking on my window so rudely, if I hadn't instead collected them and given them the message that they can trust me, it's unlikely they would have thought to seek me out to help a little girl in distress.
Needless to say, the father of that little girl was very grateful that I had taken the time to make sure his daughter was safely taken care of. We must always trust the good intentions of children and let them know they can count on us to protect and guide them.
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I received this book as a gift -
and now my whole family is
fighting over who gets to read it next…
(David Bobker, AVP, Merrill Lynch)
The quote above is an excerpt from an Amazon.com review of our first book, A Daily Dose of Kindness.
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"Ten Don’ts"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
[1] DON’T be obsessed with the people you can’t help. Focus on the people you can. You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing about what you can’t do prevents you from thinking about things you can do.
[2] DON’T let the lack of kindness and giving of others influence you to stop helping and giving. Some people feel resentful, "Other people aren’t helping. Why should I?" We learn from role models. Learn from those who are kind, not from those who
aren’t.
[3] DON’T keep trying to help someone who truly doesn’t want your help. Some people are very independent. They could gain from accepting your help. But their need to be on their own is stronger than their wish for your help. Be aware that some people really want your help but are embarrassed about it. If you feel that is the situation, try to say things to put the person at ease.
[4] DON’T give up too soon. Some people might think that you really won’t be able to help them so they initially tell you not to bother. If you don’t give up, both you and the other person will see that he will gain much more than he thought.
[5] DON’T complain that other people keep asking you to do things for them. If others come to you for help, it’s an expression that they believe you are a kind person. You might not be able to meet other people’s needs right now, but by being aware of their needs, you might think of a creative
solution.
[6] DON’T tell anyone, "I had to go without this for a long time. So you also can go without it." Other people have a right to something even if you didn’t always have it. If you don’t want to help someone, just say a polite, "No."
[7] DON’T be hurt if a selfish person complains that you are selfish. Some selfish people try to manipulate giving people by telling them they are selfish. Perhaps you are being selfish. Then again, perhaps not. You might want to ask objective outsiders for their opinion.
[8] DON’T be naïve. Don’t believe every story you hear. If a story seems questionable, check it out. If you have good reason to believe that someone is lying to you, perhaps he is. But be very careful. Someone’s sad story might not at first seem true, but it could very well be that it is. A person who loves kindness would rather err on the possibility of helping someone who doesn’t need it rather than not
helping someone who does.
[9] DON’T say things that might cause someone to feel badly when you help him. Some people might say things such as, "This is so difficult for me to do. I don’t know why I agreed to do this for you." Or, "This is the last time I’ll commit myself to do this for anyone."
[10] DON’T embarrass someone when you do something for him. Be careful not to say or do anything in the presence of others that would cause distress to the person you are trying to help.
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