Having problems with message search?
KIND WORDS
Teach "No"
Many people need to learn to say, "Yes," more often. Others need to learn to say, "No." The more kind acts you personally do, the more your telling someone to develop a balanced perspective will be accepted.
Some people say "yes" when they would prefer to say "no" out of embarrassment. At times they know they should say yes to a request. But they are feeling a bit lazy. This fear of embarrassment motivates them to live up to their ideals and is a positive force in their life.
But when they really don’t have the energy or time to do some positive thing they need permission and encouragement to say, "No."
Help them. You might say, "You really don’t have the energy right now. Look for a future opportunity when you do have the energy." Or you might say, "Right now your plate is full. You have an exhausting schedule. By saying ‘no’ now, you will be able to say ‘yes’ many times in the future."
Some people are intimidated by the anger of others. "If I don’t agree to do what this person asks me to do, then he will get angry at me." Anger is often used as a manipulative move. Those who use anger to get people to do what they wish, have learned that others feel so uncomfortable in the face of anger that they do what they wouldn’t do otherwise to placate the angry person. If you are not in physical danger, don’t allow someone’s anger to control you. Encourage others not to be blackmailed by anger. Train yourself to remain calm and centered in the face of anger. Then teach your skill to others. It’s important not to say anything to an angry person that will just get him angrier. Speak softly. Think before you speak. Only say that which will effectively soothe the angry person. You might be able to say, "If your request is reasonable, I will try to meet it. But please state your request pleasantly."
One of my students told me the following story:
I was becoming totally overwhelmed. I felt that any time anyone asked me to do something for them, I had to agree to do it. It became known that I was the one to ask for all types of favors. I love doing things for others, but too much of a good thing can still be a problem. I was constantly tired and exhausted. I still feel guilty that I wasn’t doing even more. Finally, I became so run down that I collapsed.
An elderly kind-hearted soul visited me when I was recuperating. I told her how I feel so badly that my not feeling well prevented my doing for others. After questioning me about my hectic schedule, she said to me, "I insist that you learn to tell people that you would like to help them, but can’t. When you can say ‘no’ your ‘yes’ is a real yes." I respected her for her good deeds and accepted her opinion. From then on I was more balanced on what I agreed to do and what I felt a need to decline.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.
If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness
For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
e-mail: info@...
. _____________________________________________________________________________
To un-subscribe send a blank e-mail to:
Kindness-unsubscribe@...
To subscribe send a blank e-mail to:
Kindness-subscribe@...
Teach "No"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Many people need to learn to say, "Yes," more often. Others need to learn to say, "No." The more kind acts you personally do, the more your telling someone to develop a balanced perspective will be accepted.
Some people say "yes" when they would prefer to say "no" out of embarrassment. At times they know they should say yes to a request. But they are feeling a bit lazy. This fear of embarrassment motivates them to live up to their ideals and is a positive force in their life.
But when they really don’t have the energy or time to do some positive thing they need permission and encouragement to say, "No."
Help them. You might say, "You really don’t have the energy right now. Look for a future opportunity when you do have the energy." Or you might say, "Right now your plate is full. You have an exhausting schedule. By saying ‘no’ now, you will be able to say ‘yes’ many times in the future."
Some people are intimidated by the anger of others. "If I don’t agree to do what this person asks me to do, then he will get angry at me." Anger is often used as a manipulative move. Those who use anger to get people to do what they wish, have learned that others feel so uncomfortable in the face of anger that they do what they wouldn’t do otherwise to placate the angry person. If you are not in physical danger, don’t allow someone’s anger to control you. Encourage others not to be blackmailed by anger. Train yourself to remain calm and centered in the face of anger. Then teach your skill to others. It’s important not to say anything to an angry person that will just get him angrier. Speak softly. Think before you speak. Only say that which will effectively soothe the angry person. You might be able to say, "If your request is reasonable, I will try to meet it. But please state your request pleasantly."
One of my students told me the following story:
I was becoming totally overwhelmed. I felt that any time anyone asked me to do something for them, I had to agree to do it. It became known that I was the one to ask for all types of favors. I love doing things for others, but too much of a good thing can still be a problem. I was constantly tired and exhausted. I still feel guilty that I wasn’t doing even more. Finally, I became so run down that I collapsed.
An elderly kind-hearted soul visited me when I was recuperating. I told her how I feel so badly that my not feeling well prevented my doing for others. After questioning me about my hectic schedule, she said to me, "I insist that you learn to tell people that you would like to help them, but can’t. When you can say ‘no’ your ‘yes’ is a real yes." I respected her for her good deeds and accepted her opinion. From then on I was more balanced on what I agreed to do and what I felt a need to decline.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
Although the content of these e-mails contains copyrighted material, Partners in Kindness allows users who register at our website to reprint them in print, on a website, or on an e-mail distribution list at no cost.
If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what PartnersInKindness.org is trying to promote.
The archive for Kind Words e-mails is located at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PartnersInKindness
For further information, please visit our Website http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
e-mail: info@...
. _____________________________________________________________________________
To un-subscribe send a blank e-mail to:
Kindness-unsubscribe@...
To subscribe send a blank e-mail to:
Kindness-subscribe@...
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 50x more storage than other providers!
Offline 
Send Email