At the Age of Sixteen, A German Teen Discovers Islam
By Melissa Hardy
September 14, 2005
“Our Father who art in Heaven, hollowed be Thy name, Thy Kingdom come Thy will
be done on Earth as it is in Heaven, give us this day our daily bread and
forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead
us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.” I prayed before I slept.
I was about 13 then. My friends and I thought it was the coolest thing in the
World to be Christians. We all went to church together on Sundays and Youth on
Wednesday at the Baptist Church that is now known as “Gateway Church” on Tulare
St. and Conyer. We were all die hard Christian punks. We went to shows that had
Christian bands playing and listened to Footklan and Living Sacrifice.
“Dead to the World, and alive in Christ!!” we would shout as the band got ready
to play their next song.
About a year went by like this. My friends even took me to the Vans Warped Tour
in 2002. I was 14 when I began thinking to myself, “Religion shouldn’t be a fad.
Come to think of it, I only believe this because my friends do.”
I immediately went to my Youth Pastor. I told him how I felt and what my
questions were. He gave me little “workbooks” that were supposed to help guide
me on my path. My questions were serious; not just silly questions kids think
of. Mine were like—why does God have a son? How can God and his son be one
including the Holy Spirit? What is the Holy Spirit? Since God and Jesus are one,
and Jesus died on the cross… Did God die then too?—some answers he did have, but
others he just said to me, “It takes faith.”
“Faith,” I thought to myself. “Faith? He is telling me I need to have faith to
know that the basis of my religion is real and true?”
Later I went to a priest and asked him the same questions. I got the same
answers. I went to the pastor at Grace Lutheran Church and asked him the same
questions. Again, I got the same answers. I went home to think and gather my
thoughts together.
“Judaism!!” I thought.
It’s like the backbone of Christianity. “If Christians weren’t right then Jews
have to be!” I thought.
I started reading online about Jewish beliefs, culture, and tradition. I fell in
love. I downloaded Jewish songs and bought movies by Jewish producers and
writers. I wept and wept watching Schindler’s List and The Pianist. I felt
betrayed by my own countrymen. (I’m German) I felt angry towards Palestinians
and love for Israel and its people. I went to the Synagogue, Temple B’nai David,
every Friday on Chinowth and Tulare. I tried teaching myself Hebrew. I found out
that Reformed Jews allow women to wear yarmulkes. So, I immediately went and
bought one. I wore it with pride in the Temple, I wore it to school, and
downtown with my friends. Now I was a Jewish punk. I wanted to start a band
named “The Mad Rabbis”. I wanted to be a Rabbi.
Time went on and I turned 15. Despite the passion I had for this beautiful
religion, I saw the huge hole it had in it. I felt there was something missing.
There was no Jesus. I completely tried to forget about him. As much as I tried,
I just couldn’t. So, I thought to myself, “Judaism can’t be it. As much as I
want it to be, it just can’t. I can’t believe in something knowing there is a
void.”
At that time I just felt completely lost. I didn’t know what to do. I gave up.
My friends started to go astray from their religion also. But the path they took
was the rough one. Smoking, drinking, and partying were their way of release
from what they felt. And unfortunately I began to hang out with them more. So, I
picked up the habit of smoking. I drank once, but I got so sick that I never did
it again. And just the thought of alcohol still makes me nauseous. I eventually
got back into my search for myself after a few months. I remembered this one
religion I heard of—Islam. And that’s pretty much all I knew about it. That it
was called Islam and that it’s an Arab religion. I decided to read about it. I
bought a couple of books, but I mostly went to Islamic websites like
http://www.islamonline.net. I studied this new, foreign, and misunderstood
religion not knowing that it would change my life forever.
“What was this? That’s how you pray? There is no God but God? Fasting? Charity?
Pilgrimage to Mecca? Mecca?” I read on and on.
I learned that the people on 9/11 who called themselves Muslims were going
against what their religion taught them. I found a verse in the Qur’an that says
if you take one life it's like taking the lives of all humanity, and if you save
one life it's like saving all of humanity. I read that women had the right to
education, divorce, owning homes, driving, etc. They have every right as any
woman living in America. I found out that culture and religion differ a lot. I
began to pray as best as I could. I memorized all the Arabic and all the
movements. I gained respect for my parents. I stopped smoking. I fasted my first
Ramadan last year in 2004 as a Muslim. I learned that as a Muslim, I should be
humble and not argumentative. I read that I should respect my elders and respect
myself. I started wearing my hijab at the beginning of this semester. I wear it
because I believe my body is my own business. Just because I cover my hair
doesn’t mean I am less of a woman, but in fact, it makes me more of a woman.
People may look at me and think “terrorist”, but I’d rather let them think of me
like that when I know I am no where close to anyone. Or, if I’m not wearing my
hijab, people could look at me like any other girl and if they like what they
see on my body then they’ll talk to me. I chose respect. I learned also that
Muslims believe that Jesus (Son of the Virgin Mary) was a Prophet and Mohammed
was the last Prophet. I learned they accept the Bible and Torah and the Qur’an
all as Holy Books. I began to look at the fighting between Palestine and Israel
with disgust. I didn’t understand how people could have so much hate for each
other. I gained so much knowledge of this young, beautiful religion. I decided
it was time.
I converted to Islam in May of 2004 at the age of 16.
I am a Muslim. That’s who I am and that is my religion. My religion has shaped
my outlook on life, my behavior, and my perception and acceptance of others.
It’s very important to me because it is a part of me everyday, every moment. I
pray five times a day. I worship my God the way He wants and not how I want. I
don’t think about Him only on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays or when I am in
trouble. I think about Him all the time, every day. It has made me more accept
the others and has given me understanding. Islam has shaped not only my beliefs,
but also my opinions, and my actions. Alhamdulillah. (All praise is to God)
http://www.islamonline.net/english/journey/2005/09/jour02.shtml
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"Do not curse the wind. If events contradict your wishes,
pray." Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)- In At Tirmidhi: Narrated
by Ubayy Ibn Ka’b.
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