I herewith begin a series on what I see as problems with the physics
community in the United States, and, as a starting position, I would
like to give the story of how my life-long desire to become a
physicist was squashed by the head of the physics department at the
university where I did my undergraduate work, and by which sad tale
readers will know the reasons for my dissapointment with the physics
community, and, by extension, the entire scientific establishment in
the U.S.

First, I was a non-traditional student, having spent over 20 years in
the workforce before finally qualifying for a Pell Grant to go to
college [after, having moved back to my home state after 15 years
living elsewhere, I went a year earning lower-than-normal wages (I
had previously made too much money at my "day job" to qualify, but
not enough to send myself to school)]. I did, however, previously
manage to earn a GED (after quiting high-school at age 17), and soon
afterward I obtained a certificate in electronics repair.

My jobs were usually as a repairman, in facilities maintenance, where
I learned a lot about electrical, air-conditioning, plumbing, etc.
But since the age of 18, I also study math and physics as a hobby
(besides many years playing guitar in rock bands, on the weekends).

Anyway, once I got the chance to go to college full-time, I took it;
quitting a good job I had just landed, because they did not use part-
time help. But I did not care about that. My mother had agreed to
support me while I went to college, as long as I could pay my own way
to school. So, I got the grant, started classes at my local junior
college, worked part-time for the school as a video technician, math
tutor, gameroom attendant, and guitar teacher (not all at the same
time), and, after three years, full-time, earned for myself an A.S.
Degree, with a dual major in Mathematics and Computer Science.

The problem I had at that time was that the nearest 4-year university
was too far away for me to continue unless we moved. So my mother, a
retail store manager, got a transfer with her company to run a store
in that town; we moved there, and I started attending classes as a
transfer student, majoring in physics, at which time I was counted as
a Junior for my first semester, but as a Senior from then on.

I must say that, while my experience with my junior college was
great, it was a whole different story with the university. It was
terrible from day one, and stayed that way.

The staff was incompetent, the administration corrupt, the teachers,
by and large, completely self-involved, and many of them were not
very good teachers, and, perhaps most importantly, the cost was on
the order of outrageous - and that for a rather mundane, outdated,
and very often useless collection of required courses.

But to make a long story short, I found that my department head, who
was also my advisor (and often advised me to do things I did not want
or need to do), and who had a degree in theoretical physics, turned
out to harbor a big grudge against all mathematicians (and therefore,
as I look back, must have hated me before he even met me). And, as
he had the power to impose whatever extra course requirements he had
a mind to, he decided to impose an extra 20 semester-hours onto mine,
though, for the entire 1.5 years I was at that school I never met or
heard of any other students with that much of an extra required load
(most extra requirements amounted to about 8 or 10 semesters hours).
This was despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that I transferred
in 85 available semester hours of transfer credit (to a school that
only required a minimum of 120 semester hours for a B.S. Degree).

I believe now that, looking at my transcript before I had even to
take one class at the university, and naturally having access to all
of my financial data as well, he intended to make sure that I was not
going to be able to get a B.S. Degree from him, no matter what.

Now, I did know this, at first. But, after two semesters, in the
second of which I took one of his classes (in modern physics), it
became clear that he had it in for me, for a number of reasons.
I even caught him marking test answers wrong for me, though he
counted the same answers from other students correct (usually these
were essay type questions, or he would say something derogatory about
the "way" I got my answer, or give another excuse; though, when I did
confront him on some of them, he had to correct my score).

He actually established an easily discernable pattern, and had at
least two of his collegues in the department do the same. Their
intent was to make sure I never received better than a final grade of
C their classes (not matter how well I actually did), so that I would
not qualify for a scholarship, and I would eventuall use up my
funding (because Pell Grants and student loans only last so long).

After I had spent three semesters at the university, I filed a formal
complaint about the unfair manipulation of my grades (for which I had
actual proof, and eyewitness testimony). But nothing came of it.

Then, during my fourth semester under these conditions, I realized
something unsettling about this department head as a person.

To put it bluntly, he was a snob. A complete snob, who hated the
very thought of a poor person becoming a pysicist - not to mention
doing so on Pell Grants and student loans. What is more, I was a non-
traditional student; an older guy (in my early forties), instead of
the bright and young (but also more brainwashable) traditional types
that he so obviously (even blatantly) preferred.

What is more, he was unnaturally concieted, and not just with the
kind of conciet that is common among sciences, and other learned
professionals, but so concieted that it clearly passed over into some
kind of psychosis. He openly displayed an obsessive compulsion to
claim and/or demonstrate how much smarter he was than anybody else.
He would even declare outright the he was a better mathematician than
the mathematicians, though his own training was in physics.

Now, I have read where, once you get advanced enough, the only real
difference between theoretical physics and pure mathematics is one of
concentration. In other words, it mainly depends on wheter the
person presenting an idea at such a high level of achievement says
he/she is making a contribution to math or to physics. So, for this
guy to claim to be a better mathematician than the mathematicians
was, it seems to me, taking the notion of self-agrandizement to an
extreme, to say the least.

However, it would not have mattered to me except that it caused him
to have such a huge opinion of himself that he would not answer any
questions in class. Not any. He would always say: "See me during
office hours." This referred to the office hours that all teachers
were to keep for students to come by with questions; a requirement of
all instructors at the school, except, I guess, for him - because
he was never in his office at the posted times. And if you happened
to find him in his office at any other times, he would not see you
[unless, of course, you were one of his pet students, which, when I
was there, just happened to be a smart, pretty, young, 20-something
female out-of-state student, with a rich father (and who, I could not
help but notice, he bent over backwards to help whenever possible)].

Consequently, this was another strike against me, because I am the
kind of person who likes to ask questions. I want clarity. And I
want to make sure what I am being told is accurate. But my favorite
question of all is: "Why?"

And that was exactly the kind of question that made this guy angry,
because he did not take it as genuine inquiry (which it was), but as
questioning his authority. Indeed, he made it perfectly clear, in
nearly every instance (with anybody in his classes) that he brooked
no dissent on his pronouncements; even when it was just an opinion.
He would actually take almost any question about the validity of
currently accepted concepts in physics as personal attacks, because,
quite obviously (and he even admitted to it, in private), he was a
staunch defender of the status quo in science (i.e., moslty with
respect to the mainstream positions of the physics establishment).

As a result of all of this, when it came time for me to get an
extension on my grants and loans, so I could complete my degree
program, he took steps to ensure that I was denied - though I
actually qualified for the extensions, had a more than high-enough
grade-point average, perfect attendance, and no discipline problems.

When the financial-aid officer told me I was denied, I asked why,
and, though she was reluctant to say, I finally managed to get her to
admit that the department head had told her turn me down. And she
said that she was denying me only because final decisions on such
issues are not hers to make, but are up to the department heads.

With only 9 semester hours worth of major courses to take, plus any
ohter courses at the school I needed to get a total of 140 semester
hours (though the norm is a little over 120), I was drummed out of
the university; forced to re-enter the workforce, very deep in debt
with student loans - with more than 4.5 years of college under my
belt, but no B.S. Degree to show for all that hard work.

My dream of becoming a professional physicist (instead of merely a
hobbyist), had been snuffed out of existence by a man with the power
to do so, and who decided that I was not worthy.

Well, I do not have a rich daddy. I have no patron, nor financial
backer, nor even a wealthy friend. So, I cannot afford to send
myself back to school. Everything I pay for now is fully out-of-
pocket, including payments on my student loans, supporting myself and
my family, buying books, joining professional societies, purchasing
computers, paying for an internet connection, and maintaining a web
site, so I can still keep learning what I want to know, and publish
the results of my research - despite being denied a degree.

I have calculated that, when I include all of the personal study I
have done, the on-the-job training I have obtained, and technological
certifications I have acquired (one each in electronics, electrical,
and refrigeration), I find that I have approximately the educational
equivalent of a person with a Doctorate in Applied Technology.

But, of course, the academic community is not going to accept that,
because I cannot prove, with a piece of paper, that I was willing to
kiss some stuck-up professor's ass for 8 years.

Fuck them.

They may be able to stop me from becoming a professional physicist,
but, as long as their are public libraries in this country, then they
cannot stop me from learning what I want to know. And as long as I
can support myself well enough to maintain a web presence in my spare
time, then they connot stop me from publishing my work for anyone
else to read, for free, on the Internet.

And there you have it. My story.

And now you know why I have a grudge against academia, and feel no
constraints about mentioning the many problems I see plaguing the
scientific establishment; especially the insistance on conformity
that pervades the physics community.

Physics, it seems to me, should be about exploring the unknown;
asking questions; questioning existing assumptions; and so on -
not the imposition of dogma, the unquestioning obedience to the
supporters of the dogma, and the ostricism of people who happen to be
warry of the assertion that the dogma is essentially correct.

Comments are welcome.