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**A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'**** **
* The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.** '*
* 'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.'*
Happy Hour In Tennessee
A redneck is driving down a back road in Tennessee.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL Lobster Tail and Beer 'Lord Almighty' he says to himself,
'my three favorite things!!'
WIFE FROM HELL A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, 'I clocked you at 120 kph per hour, sir.'
The driver says,
'Gee, officer I had it on
cruise control at 80, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
'Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have
cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket,
the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep
your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says,
'You should be thankful your radar detector
went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the
second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit,
the man glowers at his wife
and says through clenched teeth,
'Damit, woman, can't you keep
your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says,
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $500 fine.'
The driver says,
'Yeah, well, you see officer,
I had it on,
but took it off when you pulled
me over so that I could get my license
out of my back pocket.'
The wife says,
'Now, dear, you know very well
that you didn't have your seat belt on.
You never wear your seat belt
when you're driving.'
And as the police officer
is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks,
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After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'
'In fact, I do,' said the old man. 'After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.'
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you like to discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?'
'Oh that crazy old fart, she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in August and the second time is in January.<o:p></o:p>
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well....it was an animation of some wanker kicking in a concrete fence...he kicked through the panel then all the above panels snapped his leg in 2...hehehehe..but obviously it didn`t work as expected on here...oh well...i thought it was side splittingly hilarious...So u guyz are just gonna have 2 believe me..OK
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reminds me of some pics I saw in school from black october (great depression). It's hard no one wants to admit we are in one. I guess if you still have your job but everyone else doesn't then we are in a recession and we are only in depression the moment you lose your job.
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
BBQ
A woman was standing in front of the bedroom mirror, admiring herself in her expensive new outfit.
Her husband, looking on with disinterest, remarked "Your bum is the size of a 3-burner barbecue!"
Later that evening, tucked up and cosy in bed, he leant over, tapped her on the shoulder, and asked hopefully: "How about it?".
She replied "It's hardly worth lighting the Barbecue for half a sausage!" The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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Oh wow Birdy
they are beautiful
Great photo find. Where was it?
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