I am XXY, ks47. Diagnosed at 17, I am now 49. I have always been on HRT in
different methods, over the years. I use sutagel now, I have found it to work
the best for me. I am not gay. I do however, understand why a man with ks could
be gay. At one stage I too thought I could be gay, and so I tried it with a man,
but a man does'nt do it for me, I prefer the touch of a woman.. I have struggled
through life too, my parents abandoned me not long after diagnosis, they
divorced and did their own things. I have been married twice, and both marriages
did'nt work because the women wanted children, although they had excepted the
fact, that I am sterile. I live alone now, just me and my dog. I enjoy life,
but I do suffer from the effects of Klinefelters Syndrome. Depression,
Arthritis, and my bones ache continually. But I just keep going on, stay in
touch, lets chat again.
Kind Regards Rob. robert.wells50@...


----- Original Message ----
From: pcr_ks <pcr_ks@...>
To: klinefelterssyndromesgateway@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, 25 April, 2008 3:47:35 AM
Subject: [Klinefelters Syndrome's Gateway] Sexual Identity


For forty years I stumbled through life without knowing anything
about KS. I had learning disabilities, which I learned to work
around. I had sudden fits of temper in my teen years, which I thought
was normal when being up against two teenage sisters. I was tall and
skinny, but so was my Dad in his youth, so I never paid much
attention to it, except that I was very sensitive to my skinny legs
in high school. I was very uncoordinated, I dreaded going to gym
class and go through the humiliation of being picked last to play on
some team or even the boys walking away to play before finishing
their team picks. I couldn't hit a kick ball with a bat, let alone a
baseball if my life depended on it. I was quiet and shy, socially
awkward. I sort of tagged along with guys who I liked, without every
really feeling like I was their best friend, they even had a nickname
for me 'the shadow'.

Puberty was not a problem for me, I started to mature around 11, I
remember this because up unto then my mother used to have me bath
with a sister 1 year younger, until we both noticed our first pubic
hairs coming. I continued to grow hair on my legs and under my arms,
with very little chest hair (just like my Dad) all the way through
high school. At 16, I began shaving and have had a thick beard my
whole life.

My sexual awareness started around 11 with puberty starting to sprout
on my gentials. I would read porn magazines with older boys as they
would show off their erections to us. I remember being fascinated
with other boys and attracted to them. This feeling has continued to
this day in my 46th year of life. However, in my early twenties when
I had the opportunity to meet gay men, I couldn't help feeling that I
wasn't one of them. And I was attracted to girls as well, but never
overly enthusiastic. I always considered myself somewhere in the
middle. I used to joke that I was some sort of Asexual entity (little
did I know what biologically going on inside me). I didn't identify
myself with being a gay male, I would meet them over the years and
never felt like I was one of them. So, although, I was definitely
attracted to some of my male friends going through H.S. and college,
nothing ever became of it. I did some experimenting after way too
much alcohol on a couple of occasions with little satisfaction or the
compulsion not to try it again. I began having sex with females in my
early twenties and enjoyed those encounters, so I shrugged off
the 'gay thing' to curiosity and those homosexual tendencies that
young men have.

However, I slowly developed a heightened feeling of attraction to men
as I got older. I married at 33, and in our first couple of years of
marriage we had a lot of pleasurable sex. The pleasure stopped after
about 36 when we started to try to have children, then sex became a
chore. Of course, we knew nothing of my condition. Stupidly, we never
had me checked, we thought the ovulation kits we had were messing up
the timing.

At 40, I had been hospitalized with a DVT. Following that I was
probed and tested by every kind of doctor. A Hemotologist was the one
that discovered my hypogonadism and ordered the chromosone test. Up
until then, it never occurred to any doctor that my testicles were a
little smaller than normal and since my penis size was normal, I was
just seemed to slip by.

Of course the results were devastating to us, more my wife than I. I
guess, like my sexuality question, I always had this feeling that I
would not be a father. I found out at 40 and I have to say that the
next 4 years were very shakey ones in our marriage. First of all, the
HRT elevated my hormone levels to a heightened sense of sex that I
had never felt before. I remember in my twenties seeing guys hanging
out car windows howling at girls walking down the street and I would
think, 'what neanderthals' . Now I was that howling guy.

However, the HRT had a much more profound affect on me. If I was
Asexual or (20% homo and 80% hetereo) the HRT inverted that ratio. I
was convinced that every co-worker or guy walking down the street was
gay and I wanted them. I became totally uninterested in my wife and
sex ceased for us. I started going to gay bars, got my own room, went
to video arcades. I started drinking more alcohol and the combination
turned me into this raging sexual maniac and the alcohol made me
reckless. At one point I was conviced I was gay and 'came out' to my
wife. This was a bad scene, as she told her mother, my mother (a
shrink) cousins, friends, siblings...After about 4 years, my wife and
I were on the verge of divorce, I had propositioned a co-worker,
which ended up with me leaving not only the company but my industry.
I was hitting rock bottom. So, I went to AA to help me quit the
booze. Since, I was convinced I was gay then I went to Gay AA to get
sober, then I started decreasing the HRT slowly and after a month had
stopped completely. Gay AA continued for about a year. Slowly, again
I realized I did not identify with these men and I was definitely not
gay.

Now sober for 2 years and off of HRT for about the same amount of
time. 90 year old men probably have a stronger sex drive then I do.
ED has set in, but since I rarely think about sex, this does not
bother me. My wife and I have not had sex in over a year.

I believe the extra 'X' in my case makes me attracted to men. I see
this as a biological force of nature. I have tried to meet married
gay men to find comfort with my sexual battle. But at the end of the
day I'm Intersexual and their not. We have no connection.

So, I stumble on through life seeing what this extra X has in store
for me next. Now, the marriage is as best as it could be minus the
sex, my career has taken off and financial security is setting in.

Does anyone have a similar story?




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